It was a typical night in with baby Nath the other boys had gone out drinking and we stayed home to watch Avatar. Nath had a few to drink earlier so he was half asleep on my lap. I felt his warm breath against my stomach, he looked up at me winked and ran his hands along my crotch. He quickly undid my trousers and started to suck me off.
I wasn’t sure what to do, I wasn’t gay well I didn’t think I was but it was at least nice to be getting some attention for once.
I was slightly drunk but at the same time enjoying every second of what I was doing to Jay. We’d been there for about ten minutes when he moaned and came in my mouth. I sat up licked my lips and started crushing my lips against his.
I got off of him and dragged him upstairs to my room hoping he’d give me the same pleasure I’d given him. When we got in my room he locked the door and pulled my trousers off and kissed me, grinding into my crotch and teasing me even more. ‘Jay please, stop’ I moaned. He looked back at me and knelt down taking me in his mouth.
This was too good to be true.
It was wrong god I knew it was wrong but Nathan kissed amazingly and he was so cute. Stop it Jay just bloody stop it, your not gay and you will not fall for Nath. Truth be told I had a girlfriend at the time I just couldn’t tell any of the other guys or the fans for that matter.
I crept out of Nathan’s room and went downstairs to find my phone and switch the telly off. I picked up my phone and dialled her number…no answer again great. She hates me now. We had an argument the other night about me telling the guys and she stormed off not saying anything.
I loved him. Jay my band mate the one with the gorgeous curly hair, the big blue eyes and the…ahem huge cock. I wanted him back in my arms kissing me and stroking my hair. But it’d been over a week and he hadn’t spoken to me, moved away from me in interviews and photo shoots.
’Jay’ I yelled as he walked out with the rest of the boys. ‘What Nathan, what do you want?’ He retorted looking at me disgusted. ‘I love you Jay, please don’t be mad about what happened, I know you enjoyed just as much as me.’ I cried. Jay looked at me in the eyes and said ‘I have a girlfriend Nathan its not gunna happen again I don’t want it to happen again it was just a stupid mistake. I’m sorry for getting your hopes up mate.’ I stood on my very tiptoes and kissed him he pulled his arms around me scooping me into his arms. ‘Hang on Nath’ He said. He dragged me off of him, walked outside and said ‘I’m uhh gunna stay in tonight guys I feel a bit sick.’ The others nodded and got in the cab outside.
I had no idea what I was doing the feelings just came over me when Nath looked he was gunna cry, I couldn’t make him cry. I took him into my room and pushed him onto the bed as he took my top off. My phone rung and Nathan grabbed it looking at the name on screen ‘Holly’. He got off the bed and handed me my phone back walking out the flat and slamming the door.
‘Hello?’ I said cautiously. ‘Look Jay we had something special, for those two months but I’m bored of sneaking around with you now, its over, good luck and goodbye babe.’ She said. I couldn’t reply too shocked that she’d ended everything. I hung up crying and ran after Nathan.
I needed him…
I knew he had a girlfriend he’d told me earlier but when her name came up on his phone I just didn’t want to do it any more. I heard heavy footsteps coming towards me and turned to see the clumsy idiot that was Jay crying. He stopped centimetres from my face panting and the tears kept falling.
I put my hand in his and took him back to the flat and not whispering a word. He went to his room and sat on the bed legs pulled close to his chest and cried. I hated seeing him upset it was horrible. I locked the door and swaggered over to him.
‘Jay babe what happened?’ I said. He looked and me and sniffed ‘My girlfriend broke up with me Nathan, I really thought she could be the one.’ At this moment I wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed him so passionately. ‘You don’t need her mate you have me, I’ll never leave you’ I said. He nodded and leant back letting me slot myself between his legs. I pulled our trousers and pants off and slid myself into Jay, he moaned a little in pain but was soon holding my hair and screaming my name. I came and moved myself out of him and he flipped me onto my back and gave me what I had just given him. I screamed his name and held onto his curls with him getting faster and faster as time went on. I could have lived in this moment forever. Until we heard the door open and Tom’s slurred Bolton accent yell ’ Oii Jay, Nath we’re back, where you two?’ Jay carefully took himself out of me so i didn’t moan. He stroked his fingers carefully along my fully erect cock and started to get dressed.
I threw my boxers back on and climbed into bed, so that the boys wouldn’t see my erection if they came in. Jay ruffled his hair and put his jeans and t-shirt back on, he winked at me and walked out the bedroom. I’d fallen for him bad.
Amazing. The only word I could think of to describe what me and Nathan had just shared maybe band mates shouldn’t do that sort of thing but I really didn’t care. I needed to spend a whole night with him, no interruptions but like that’d ever happen. I acted normal although slightly ill when I went into the front room to the others. ‘Where’s baby Nath?’ Siv asked. ‘In his room, he’s a bit tired out’ I said ‘actually I am too I’m going to bed now.’ The guys waved and carried on singing terribly out of tune like they always do when drunk.
I walked down the hall and banged on Nath’s door ‘mmm come in’ he said. He must of known it was me cause he was sat on the bed tossing himself off. I shut the door and locked it and walked to Nath and took him in my mouth again. He smiled and came biting his lip so he wouldn’t scream as usual. I kept his warm cum in my mouth and crushed his lips against mine sharing it between the two of us, something I knew he loved.
He moaned quietly into my mouth and started to touch my crotch. ‘Your zips bloody stuck Jay’ He moaned. I laughed and tried undoing it myself, it just wasn’t gunna unzip. Max banged on the door ‘What’s going on in there guys? By the way we’ve got an early start tomorrow best get some sleep, yeah?’ He said. ‘Nothing mate we’re just talking. Okay yeah we’ll go to bed in a sec.’ I said while Nathan carefully nibbled on my neck I was getting harder every time he touched me, but my bloody jeans wouldn’t come off. I detached him from my neck and stood up to get a better view on how to get my jeans off, after a couple of wiggles the zip came undone and Nath was gladly taking me in his mouth.
Jay moaned quietly and held my head so I went further, I bit him very carefully and he moaned again coming into my mouth again and again. It was drooling out of my mouth so I pushed my lips on his and kissed him like we’d never kissed before.
It was a hot kiss burning with passion and Jay played with my dick while we kissed, I loved him so much he was perfect, he knew exactly how to make me happy. We didn’t realise until we’d heard cluttering coming from the front room that it was 6am we had to be out of the house by half past.
Jay kissed me once more and put his boxers on, slipped mine on me and took my hand. Tom and Max were just walking back to their rooms and Jay pushed his hand out of mine until they were gone. He dragged me into the bathroom and switched the shower on kissing my neck as he waited for it to warm up.
We jumped in the shower still kissing and moaning into each others mouths he was so perfect, so amazing I was stunned that he wanted me. A loud bang came from the door ‘seriously Nathan hurry the hell up its nearly quarter to seven…oh and have you seen Jay this morning?’ Tom yelled. ‘Sorry mate I got a bit lost in my thoughts…urm no I haven’t seen him since last night’ I lied as Jay removed his mouth and turned the shower off. ‘Okay well if you find him tell him to hurry up aswell. But we’ve seriously gotta go now, so is it alright if you get a cab and meet us there?’ Tom said. ‘Yeah sure that’s fine I’ll look for Jay first then meet you guys at the photo shoot.’ I said, Jay smirked at me and carried on kissing me as I tried to get dressed.
We wasted an extra half an hour so it looked like I had to try and find Jay. We got to the photo shoot and the boys were there topless. I looked at Jay and smiled as he whipped his top off joining the other guys.
I’d fallen for him so bad…
Okay so the photo shoot was kinda fun, Nathan did his little knowing smile and gave the camera the ‘eye’. Oh god he gave me that same look last night. I honestly didn’t know what was happening with me and him yeah it was fun but every time I got with him I lost track of everything else that was happening.
What I mean is me and Nath shared a dressing room here and well…he pushed me against the wall and kissed me when we were getting ready to leave. Max comes along…’Uhh guys you’ve been like 10 minutes if you don’t hurry up we will leave without you again’ he yelled. ‘Go without us then, we’re staying out tonight so don’t expect us back.’ Nathan shouted back. I pushed him away and looked at him, surprised. He smiled and moved back towards me.
I walked away and left him there wanting more, wanting me. I just couldn’t do it any more.
He bloody left in the heat of the moment he walked away leaving me there needing him. I heard him get into the back of the van with the rest of the boys. Ditched by the only guy I’d ever love this much, it hurt it really did. I picked up my discarded t-shirt and my phone and walked out the dressing room, making sure no one saw the tears fall from my cheeks.
The boys were waiting for Kev in the van, so I jumped in not looking at any of them and cried behind my hat. As I felt Max, Tom and Siva all staring at me, I snapped at them ‘What, what the fuck are you looking at, am I not allowed to cry?’ Max looked at me sympathetically and the others just looked away pretending I hadn’t just lost it at all of them.
When we got back Jay half smiled at me as i stormed off to my room and he picked up his phone…’Uhh heyy Holly.’ Was all i heard him say as i blasted my music into my ears.
I couldn’t believe it she asked me to take her back, she said she was crazy for ending everything and she missed me. I thought for a second leaving the phone line dead, what about me and Nathan I loved him so much more than I’d ever loved anyone and I knew he loved me too. ‘I’m sorry Holly, I’ve moved on, I’ve found someone who’s going to treat me properly but I may have already ruined that today. I hope we can still be friends?’ I said tears paining my eyes knowing I’d ruined my chance with Nathan. ‘Ohh, I didn’t think you’d have moved on this quickly Jay that’s not like you at all. But that’s fine as long as she makes you happy. Course we can still be friends…I’ve uhh gotta go bye.’ She said I could hear her crying. She hung up before I could say anything else.
I walked back inside slipping my phone in my pocket. Tom looked at me confused and said ‘Your going out with someone Jay? How come none of us know?’ I coughed clearing my throat so it didn’t go all weird like it usually did when I lied to them ‘no I’m not but I just said it to get Holly off my back, I didn’t want her again.’ I said even more tears began to flow. I felt like a little girl when Tom wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight. I heard Nathan’s door open and a very red eyed Nath walked out dragging his suitcase behind him.
‘Nathan where you going mate?’ I cried. ‘Don’t call me mate and I’m going home to get away from you being such a confusing prick towards me.’ He said. I pushed him back towards his room and he sulked but still walked into his room. I sat with him on the bed and took his hands in mine ‘Nathan I’m so incredibly sorry about earlier the thought of spending a whole night alone with you for the night scared me. I love you Nathan please don’t leave me.’ I said crying. He smiled and kissed me, taking one of his hands away he lead me out of the flat for our night alone.
Finally what I needed, Nathan alone just to be ourselves…
Jay was sweating buckets and moaning my name over and over again. I carried on getting faster and faster till we both came, me inside him and him all over my chest. He got some on his finger and stuck it in my mouth making me suck it. He moaned again, was there anything that didn’t turn Jay on? He took my head in his hands and made me suck his ever throbbing dick. I did so gladly letting him cum in my mouth again and again until he flopped back onto the pillow completely knackered. I kissed him giving him back his cum, I moaned as he nibbled gently on my bottom lip caressing my body as he did. This was perfect I had waited over a week just to have Jay alone.
I had never had someone as good as Nathan I moaned all the time I was with him. I couldn’t help myself even though I was so exhausted from him giving me perfectly amazing sex I took my dick from his mouth and shoved it in him. He screamed as usual and wound his fingers in my curls, panting as I moved faster kissing him and giving him a hand job aswell. Multi tasking was clearly my thing. I wrapped his legs around me and stood up taking myself further into him, we stumbled against the wall both gasping for breath. ‘I love you so much Jay’ Nathan said. ‘I love you even more Nathan’ I replied crushing our lips together. This was pure love and I was loving every minute of it.
Nathan moaned as his cum went all down my leg I didn’t care I just carried on thrusting against him getting faster and faster. He sighed and came again letting me know that he really needed this. If I’d gone much faster we both would have died. I came at the last moment as Nathan kissed me and bit my lip.
We stumbled back to the bed both so tired from our hour of love. Nathan carried on kissing me and tossing me off while I thought about everything.
Jay seemed a bit distant after everything but I wasn’t going to question him I needed to hold him this close for a little while longer just to know it was real. I’d dreamt about Jay for months absolutely months, I even watched the way he sang the way his lips formed the words so perfectly. He was perfection. I was addicted to him, I didn’t want to let him go, I rested my head on his chest and I could hear his heart thumping against his chest.
I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to stay here forever, well not in this hotel but maybe like get a house with Jay and quit the band…telling them why first of course. But Jay said I was mad we couldn’t throw our careers away to just make ourselves happy every night. That was the last time I spoke to him alone.
I moved on from Jay, found myself a nice girl and rubbed it right in his face…
Roxii was perfect…it started as a drunken one night stand but I wanted more, needed more to show Jay that he was nothing to me after he’d ripped my heart from me and stamped all over it. He moped around the flat now, not looking at me but I still knew he could see us, me and Roxii always entwined together. I still loved him but it was over completely I couldn’t deal with his crap.
She was a slag. I could tell as soon as I looked at her it wasn’t because I was jealous I just knew she was. She gave all of us the look when he wasn’t looking. I even watched her give Tom the most flirty look I’d ever seen. But when Nathan was around she was good as gold acting like an innocent little slag…oh wait she didn’t need to act.
I phoned Holly, knowing that Nathan was listening in. I got her to come to the flat telling her I had a surprise for her. She said she had one for me too.
When she got here we kissed passionately I hadn’t seen her for at least a month and she’d changed so much. We pulled away smiling at each other. ‘Jay I…I’m pregnant, its yours I haven’t touched anyone else since we broke up.’ She said. My god why was my life so bloody screwed up? ‘Holly I didn’t even realise, why didn’t you tell me earlier babe, we could have stayed together.’ I sighed giving into my temptations to keep her close again. She shrugged her shoulders and put her arms around me for a hug. ‘I love you, take me back.’ I whispered stroking her hair. ‘Jay do you think you even need to ask of course I will.’ She said her usual gorgeous smile spreading across her face.
He had just come into the living room and introduced us all to Holly saying she was his girlfriend and she was pregnant with his kid. He looked genuinely happy. I hated that he was happy without me I couldn’t take it. I grabbed Roxii and dragged her off to my room.
He was jealous I knew he was. But unlike him using Roxii, I wasn’t using Holly I’d loved her since the first time I met her and having her back made me so happy not even words could describe. Max, Tom and Siv were congratulating us on everything and Tom was being his usual self and calling me a sneaky bastard and saying he thought me and Nath were gay together. I blushed bright red. They looked at me confused.
‘Jesus guys I’m just joking around with you, I’d never do that with Nathan that’s just sick’ I said laughing off what had just happened. The guys looked at me and each let out a long sigh…Holly wrapped an arm around me and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me, I picked her up carefully and kissed her back. The guys all smiled at us knowing that it was making me happy, they left to go shopping with their girls or something I wasn’t really listening, far too busy kissing Holly.
We stayed attached to each other and I carefully moved over to the sofa. Must remember to be careful Jay she’s pregnant you don’t want to hurt her or the baby. She moved away from my lips and snuggled into me resting her head on my chest. I could hear Nathan moaning from his room, it turned me on so bad. Holly looked down at my lap and looked back at me smiling. ‘Jay, uhh can I?’ She said nervously. ‘Holly babe don’t ask, just do it I honestly don’t care you gorgeous little thing.’ I said back pushing a lose strand of hair away from her face.
She was better than Nathan and he was the best I’d ever had so this was amazing. I was on cloud 9…no higher than cloud 9 maybe like cloud a million. We stayed hugging for ages. Until he came out of his room ‘oh hey Jay mate, didn’t realise you guys were here, were me and Roxii too noisy for you two?’ He said smirking. ‘Hi Nathan, no actually we didn’t even realise you were here either.’ I spat back at him.
I still loved him I needed him back and when Roxii left to go back to work I needed him even more. But she was still here and I couldn’t have him if she was here. I offered them both a cup of tea, trying to be polite and ended up spilling it all down his chest. He whipped his top off, giving me an erection and the need to hold him again. He glared at me and went to get something cold to put on his chest.
So I’d just got with Roxii to get back at Jay, been spiteful towards him and managed to burn that perfect chest of his. If he didn’t already hate me he certainly did now. I sat back on the sofa and put my head in my hands. I cried and I didn’t care who saw I was crying to let the pain of losing Jay out, I’d kept it in so long I just couldn’t take it any more.
Holly left, saying something about work or home or whatever I wasn’t listening to that pathetically annoying voice of hers, only thinking that I’d have Jay alone and I’d make it up to him. I walked over to him in the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him from behind gently easing my way into his trousers taking his perfect cock in my hands. He slipped my hands away from him and turned around to me.
He punched me so hard, I cried and passed out…
Oh what had I done? I had Nathan’s blood on my knuckles and he was lying in front of me hardly moving but his chest rose and fell so at least I knew I hadn’t killed him. I got down on my knees and wrapped my arms around him, crying, I pressed my lips on his and felt him twitch and kiss me back.
‘Nathan I’m so sorry mate, I was so angry at you for everything and I couldn’t take it any more.’ I sighed pulling him up so he rested against the door frame of the kitchen. ‘Mate don’t apologize I deserved that for everything. I’m sorry.’ He said smiling at me, the first time I’d seen him smile properly since the hotel. I leant forward, keeping my hands in his lap to get him smiling even more and kissed him so hard.
I had Jay kissing me again, I was honestly so happy. He wiped the blood off of my face and carried on kissing me, not moving one of his hands from my lap just to torment me that little bit more but I ignored that and took his hand in mine running my fingers along his tattoo and moaning deeply into his mouth I knew what it did to him.
I knew that there was something going on between Jay and Nathan, I heard them moaning in Nathan’s room before, plus I heard a lot of noise coming from their dressing room. It was obvious but I couldn’t tell anyone Tom would rip the piss out of both of them. But when I caught them sitting on the floor of the kitchen eating each others faces I had to say something. I wasn’t gunna like tell the others just get them to stop it because they both had girlfriends and it was wrong on another level of wrong.
I took a deep breath and let it out…
It was disgusting two of my band mates were practically fucking on our kitchen floor. I coughed scaring them both. Nathan blushed and removed his hands from Jay’s trousers. ‘What the hell is going on guys? You both have girlfriends this is wrong on so many levels.’ I shouted. Jay did his jeans up and ran out of the flat, Nathan came over to me and ran a smooth hand along my cheek. ‘Get your hands off of me Nathan, I don’t do this. You have to stop this with Jay, it’ll ruin the band you saw how upset he got then. Just freaking stop it Nathan.’ I said. He was crying and nodded his head along to everything I’d just said.
Neither of us spoke a word until the others came home. ‘Max what’s up with Jay, he ran past us crying and shook me away as I caught hold of him.’ Tom said. ‘Oh…I don’t know I got back here and he just ran out, then Nathan came home and threw up.’ I lied, never ever had I lied to Tom but I couldn’t drop Jay and Nathan in it.
Half an hour. That’s all the time I had with Jay, before Max came home and ruined everything. It had to be over now he said we had no choice but to stop it because the relationship would hurt too many people. I didn’t want it to be over, I wanted to be inside Jay, him screaming and coming all over me. I stood there blanking out from what the others were talking about, lost in my thoughts of Jay’s perfection. I needed him, I wasn’t myself without him. As everything flooded my brain I blacked out for the second time today, smacking my head as I went down.
I didn’t want it to be over, but I had responsibilities now and I actually hated that. My phone vibrated in my pocket and ‘Max’ flashed on the screen. ‘Hello?’ I said. ‘Jay get to the hospital please its Nathan, he’s not good mate.’ Max said, choking on his last words from the tears.
I couldn’t…just couldn’t see him in hospital that’d hurt even more than Max yelling at us about everything. I sat on the floor crying and crying. ‘Hey Jay babe what’s up?’ She asked, it was Holly. I had to explain everything to her. She looked genuinely shocked but she took my hand and pulled me up into her arms. ‘Its gunna be okay, he’ll be fine I know he will. He’ll want to see you though go to him Jay, tell him in front of the boys that you love him, they’ll understand eventually. Don’t give up on him.’ She said crying so much. I kissed her gently and flagged down the next cab, slipping our hands apart.
My whole body was shaking as I cried in the back of the cab, he’ll be okay Jay I kept thinking. When he woke up I was gunna tell him he meant the world to me and I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I just wanted him.
He looked so weak worse than when I’d hit him…
The hum of the machines behind Nathan’s perfect little head was all I heard as I walked in the room. Tom said something to me but I ignored him walking straight to Nathan and taking his hand in mine. ‘Mate I’m so bloody sorry this is all my fault, I love you please don’t ever leave me, don’t give up in there. I hope you can hear me.’ I whispered as my tears fell onto his stupid hospital gown. I didn’t want him in hospital he didn’t deserve this I just needed to be at home cuddled in next to him.
How I longed to scream out at Jay and tell him it wasn’t his fault and I loved him too and I was never gunna leave him. Giving up was never an option for me. Nothing worked I couldn’t get my arms to move or my lips to speak the few words I needed to say to the guy I loved. Don’t slip away from me Nathan, Jay kept saying it, still holding my hand and I think he was crying. Tom was yelling something as usual but I only wanted to wake up to Jay’s beautiful face in front of me, and have him kiss me in front of the boys, not scared any more. I felt someone’s soft lips against mine, my eyes flickered open and I saw Roxii in front of me crying.
I didn’t want her, I wanted Jay. He wasn’t even in the room any more. I burst into tears longing to talk to Jay but no one knew where he’d gone.
Giving up was almost an option when I knew Jay had given up on me…
~Three weeks later~
He’d left me completely, gone home without even a reason why. It hurt every time I listened to one of our songs, every time he phoned one of the boys, but not me. I couldn’t take it much longer, it was killing me slowly and it was a painful way to die. Roxii wanted nothing more to do with me after the hospital because I told everyone about me and Jay, so I decided to call Jay’s girl Holly, see what she was up to. Not even she wanted to talk to me, the boys didn’t talk to me either, I didn’t understand what I’d done.
Living without Nathan was tough, everyday I’d see something that reminded me of him, a kid in the street wearing a flat cap, someone swaggering around. But I needed to get over him before I could go back to the band. Truth was I hadn’t moved back home, I was staying down town with Holly. We just told Nathan I’d moved back home so he had no inspiration to come see me. ‘The sun goes down, the stars come out.’ My ringtone for Nathan blasted through my phone, I took it out of my pocket and looked at it for a minute before pressing ‘answer.’
‘Jay, I still love you mate.’
I didn’t need to hear him say that I was working so hard to get over him, but as soon as he said that it all came back. I cried for hours on end confused at what to do about everything.
I told him and he didn’t say it back, he just hung up and wouldn’t answer his phone afterwards. I’d never in my life felt this way about anyone else and Jay was making this so painful by doing this. At that moment I hated him and I hated myself for being stupid enough to get involved with him. The band was ruined and it was all my fault for falling in love with Jay. Everyone knew, it hurt that it wasn’t even a private little secret any more. I dreamt about him every night, the dreams getting even more real each night until one night…
I’d given up, I couldn’t get over him it just wasn’t working. It wasn’t working between me and Holly anyway so going back to Nathan seemed like a good idea. I crept into the flat at about 3 in the morning and sat on his bed for a while just watching him sleep. He moaned in his sleep and rolled over…I lay next to him stroking his face and arm so gently. He shuddered and woke up smiling at me and wrapping his whole body over me, I’d missed this so badly. I leant in and kissed him with all the emotion I could…
He was back, my Jay was back in my arms again. I’d missed him so badly and wanted to ask him where he’d been but spoiling the moment seemed stupid. I left it completely forgetting that he’d ever left me, imagining that we’d be living like this forever. I had already confessed to all the boys that I was madly in love with Jay strangely enough they all accepted that and carried on with their lives. Somehow though only being in love with Jay didn’t seem enough I wanted to make it like official, call him mine and no one else’s.
Nathan was lost in his thoughts as I kissed all down his neck, he didn’t even hold my hair like usual, something had to be up. I stopped and looked up at his distant face ‘Nath babe what’s wrong?’ I said worried in case I’d hurt him. ‘Nothings wrong Jay I’m fine I was just thinking, are we serious or just mucking around mate.’ He said. The word serious hung in my ears I knew he was waiting for me to say something back, I just didn’t know what to say. ‘Umm well I dunno mate.’ Was all I could manage to say. Nath bolted upright and hovered above me ‘I think we are serious Mr McGuiness, will you be my boyfriend?’ He said. Boyfriend…that makes me gay…oh god Nathan’s looking at me while I hesitate with my answer. ‘Of course I will Nathan.’ I said smiling at him. The words just flew out of my mouth and there was no way I could take them back. I loved him and that but being boyfriend’s just sounded extra weird to me.
Jay had just made me so happy I couldn’t keep in my excitement, I felt like a kid at Christmas all that energy flowing round my body. I leant into him teasing him gently with my lips and ended up ripping his shirt open, just as Tom walked in.
He told us he wasn’t coming back until he knew he was over him, but there he was under him. Nathan looked up at me and went back to eating Jay’s face.
‘You said you weren’t coming back mate’ I said as a look of horror swept over Nathan’s face.
He ran out crying…
‘You idiot Tom, I hate you. You’ve just upset Nathan when I was finally entirely sure of my feelings.’ I screamed at Tom, tears falling from my eyes. I bashed past him, shirtless with my jeans undone and ripped socks, I ran from the flat in a worried attempt to find Nathan. Okay so I have to admit that maybe putting shoes on first would have been a good idea but at the time I needed Nathan back. I ran not thinking of where he could be but running seemed like the best option. Until I ran into some fans and got questioned about my choice of clothing and why I was crying. I ignored them and carried on running hoping Nathan would be here somewhere.
‘I thought you weren’t coming back.’ The same words kept flowing round in my head as I sat on the roundabout in the park crying for Jay to love me the way I loved him. I knew that everything was too good to be true there was no way he’d ever love me.
The easiest thing for me to do was to give up on Jay and try to carry on with the band as normally as I could. ‘Nathan…there…you are.’ Panted a very upset looking Jay. He looked down at me and lifted my chin to kiss me. I pushed him back ‘you weren’t ever going to come back mate, it hurt that you just left me lying in a hospital bed needing you. Would you make up your bloody mind about your feelings about me instead of getting my hopes up all the time. I love you Jay but I feel like you don’t love me.’ I screamed and the tears kept falling. ‘Mate I was trying my best to get over you so it didn’t effect the band. I had to leave you there I couldn’t see you like that. I don’t mean to confuse you like this, I love you.’ Jay said crying.
That was it, he’d finally said it back it was all I needed to hear. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss Jay and he bent down slightly making it easier for me. We were in view of the public but I honestly didn’t care what the fans thought any more I loved Jay. We stayed smiling at each other for at least an hour until it started to ran and I handed Jay my hoody so he didn’t freeze, then took his hand and walked back to the house.
Tom looked at us disgustedly when we walked in hand in hand but I ignored him pushing Jay towards his room. Jay got changed out of his wet clothes and sat on the bed smiling at me.
If love felt this good, then loving Jay needed to last forever…
We stayed sitting on the bed just holding hands and staring deep into each others eyes for hours. I had the most perfect guy loving me even though I knew myself that I had flaws. Tom came barging in obviously drunk ‘alright gays, how’s your gay little love thing going?’ He slurred. Max came in and mouthed ‘sorry’ dragging Tom away by the scruff of his t-shirt.
Jay shook his head and smiled at me ‘Nathan we’ve got two weeks off starting Saturday, how does two weeks alone together sound?’ Jay said. ‘Seriously mate? That sounds absolutely perfect, where are we going gorgeous.’ I said crawling closer to him. ‘I was thinking we could go to Spain get our own villa for the time away.’ Jay said stroking my hair. I looked up at him and smiled crushing my lips against his. ‘I’ll take that as a yes.’ Jay mumbled.
I’d never been happier than I was in that moment with Nathan. I loved him more than I’d loved any girl I ever got with. He was completely perfect and to be honest I didn’t understand why he liked lanky old me but I didn’t question him. Spain with Nathan would be amazing I could see him shirtless for two weeks and spend time alone with him. I’d know everything I didn’t know about him by the end of it.
We told the boys the next morning that we were going away together, they all yelled ‘what the hell are you thinking?’ Nathan was first to reply ‘honestly guys what the hell is your problem we’re in love and couples, yeah that’s right couples, go away together to spend time alone. Getting to know one another better, to know the ways that make the other tick. I don’t give one about what any of you think, I am in love with James Noah McGuiness so deal with it.’ The vein in his neck popped when he was angry god I loved that. ‘Yeah guys seriously what is your problem? We’re spending some time alone just like you do with your girls its no different we’re just both guys. I am in love with Nathan James Sykes.’ I said and leant into kiss Nathan wrapping my arms around him. ‘Eeeww that is something I seriously didn’t need to see, I’ve just had lunch I don’t want that coming back up. Our problem is that if this gets out the fans ain’t gunna like it. Nathan’s the one that gets the most attention, your gunna be hated Jay. Your risking all of our careers just to make yourselves happy.’ Max yelled.
Their pathetic homophobia made me so angry I honestly didn’t care if it ruined the band I had Jay. The fans would understand they were so supportive of everything we did. I turned to Jay undoing his jeans and putting my hands in there in full view of the boys. Siva stormed past us out the flat while Max and Tom stood there looking at us disgustedly. Jay scooped me into his arms kissing me passionately and leaning against the wall to support us both. ‘This is so fricking wrong, just bloody stop it already, I don’t care how much you say you love each other. What if this ends badly, and you end up hating each other imagine how awkward the interviews and gigs will be.’ Tom shouted. Jay stuck his finger up and Tom came over knocking me off of Jay. He pushed Jay to the floor and began repeatedly punching him in the stomach.
Blood frothed from Jay’s mouth as his eyes silently closed…
Jay lay there silently while blood continued to froth from his mouth. ‘Well what the hell did you do that for Tom? He didn’t deserve that at all. I’m calling my boyfriend an ambulance and if either of you even think about coming I’ll tell Jayne what you did Tom.’ I screamed at them. I pulled my phone out my pocket hands shaking as I dialled 999.
The paramedics came quickly taking Jay on a stretcher and wheeling him into the back of the ambulance. ‘Can…I…uhh come…with…please?’ I stammered. The paramedics nodded sympathetically at me.
We got to the hospital and Jay was rushed down to one of the rooms. ‘Don’t worry sweetheart you’ll see you friend again soon, the doctors are just gunna check him over and hopefully they can help him get better.’ One of the paramedics reassured me. I smiled at her as the tears rolled down my cheeks getting faster as I breathed. A nurse came over to me wrapping her arm over my shoulder and telling me that everything would be okay.
About 3 hours later one of the doctors came out. ‘Excuse me are you Nathan? Jay’s awake and he’s asking to see you.’ He said. I nodded and got up following him to Jay’s room, a slight skip in my step knowing he was okay. He looked so frail there was so many machines bleeping behind his head. He smiled slightly when he saw me come into the room. I ran to him taking his hand in mine. ‘I’m so fricking sorry Jay, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t touched you up in front of the guys then Tom wouldn’t have got mad and beat you up. I’m so sorry, I love you.’ I said crying. Jay put a finger to his lips meaning for me to be quiet, then he leant down and kissed my hand. He patted the space next to him on the bed and I crawled on, snuggling down next to the man I loved.
Relieved. Relieved to be alive, to have Nathan next to me, but also that we were completely alone for a few hours. I felt weaker than I ever had done before and my stomach ached every time I breathed but having Nathan half asleep in my arms made me forget the pain. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep Jayne came bashing into my room, face worried as ever. ‘Oh god Jay. You look absolutely terrible, but doesn’t Nathan look so cute sleeping like that. Tom told me to tell you he’s so sorry he didn’t know what came over him.’ She said stroking my head. ‘Thanks Jayne knowing I look just as awful as I feel makes me feel great. Nathan looks so adorable right now. I don’t think forgiving Tom is an option at the moment.’ I replied. ‘Sorry Jay. Yeah I expect he’ll understand you don’t want to forgive him yet. Just go on holiday with Nathan and recover there and we’ll get back to TW stuff when you get back.’ Jayne said smiling. I nodded as Nathan shook in his sleep and bolted upright.
~1 week Later~
Okay, so me and Nathan had to change our holiday tickets and the booking of the villa but today was the day for us to go away alone. ‘Nathan I swear to god if you don’t hurry up, I will come up there and carry you outside.’ I shouted. Pain still rippled through my stomach every now and again but I ignored it. Nathan came swaggering downstairs, hair perfect, low cut top on, trackies and trainers. My legs literally went to jelly, I loved him, he was too perfect. I ran into his arms crushing our lips together.
‘You ready for our first journey alone together mate?’ Nathan said winking.
I took his hand in mine, nodded and walked out the flat…
We’d just arrived in Spain and tried our best to avoid the crowd of fans waiting for us, but without anyone but me and little Nath it was impossible. We stayed with them for about two hours signing autographs and taking pictures. The whole time I was just stood there thinking I need to get Nathan out of those trackies. After we’d wriggled our way out of the mob of fans we got into a taxi and headed off to our villa. I placed my hand on Nathan’s leg and he looked at me, grinned and winked. I melted. Love, love, love, I love Nathan.
We got into the villa and threw our bags down, Nathan turned to me and undid my belt and jeans leaving me standing in my boxers. He kissed me but groped my crotch at the same time. ‘Mmm, Nathan stop…just get in me already.’ I moaned. Nathan slowly slipped his trackies and boxers off, carefully tossed himself off quickly and turned me round. He was getting faster and our moans were crashing louder together. ‘I fricking love you Jay!’ Nathan screamed just about to come. ‘I love you more sexy!’ I shouted back coming on his hand. He took his hand from my dick and licked it then carried on pumping and thrusting.
My god I’d missed doing this to Jay. It was the best feeling in the world seeing him so tired from sex but still trying to do more to me aswell. ‘Jay your tired mate don’t worry about me for now, you’ve done enough.’ I panted. Jay nodded and collapsed onto the sofa. I loved having more energy than him I could have kept going for hours. I guess he was just weak still from the hospital. I lay down next to him. ‘You do realise you came all over the rug on the floor Jay.’ I laughed. ‘Yeah I know you’ve gotta lick it up later sexy.’ Jay said winking at me. I smiled at him and kissed his chest licking every so often and moving further and further down. ‘Oh, not again Nathan I can’t take it any more your too good for me.’ Jay said. I looked at him, gave him my little smirk and went down taking him in my mouth. Jay screamed as he shot load after load into my mouth. I leant my arms around the sides of him being careful not to lean on his stomach and gave him back his load.
A couple of hours later we were still lying in each others arms. ‘Jay your the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if I lost you I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I love you with my whole heart you are my entire world. You cheer me up when I’m down and you know exactly how to make me happy.’ I said tearing up. ‘Aww Nathan you gorgeous little thing. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me too. If I lost you I’d probably go crazy man. I love you more than you’ll ever love me. You always make me happy cause you defiantly have the most energy in our relationship but its good I like that.’ Jay said. ‘Hmm, so by most energy you mean that I’m the one that wears the trousers and your just here for the sex.’ I replied winking. Jay sat up and pushed me off the sofa standing behind me and inserting himself inside me. I screamed as he got faster and faster, giving me a hand job and a love bite at the same time.
We came in unison and flopped onto the sofa…
We’d been in Spain for like a week and had done nothing but spent our time in the bedroom. ‘Mmm, Jay, we’re going out tonight, I’m gunna treat you to a meal.’ I said as I gazed into his eyes. ‘Sounds good to me, as long as your wearing a suit I can cope with going out.’ Jay said. We lay next to each other our hands entwined for a couple of minutes, then I got out of bed and went to the shower.
Nathan was acting weird I’d asked him pretty much everyday if he wanted to go out for a meal in the evening but it always just ended up with us in bed. Not complaining about it or anything but it was weird. He came out of the shower hair dripping wet and only a towel on, I walked over to him and carefully placed my lips on his. ‘Nath, what’s wrong? You didn’t wanna go out the other nights so why now?’ I said leaning back from the kiss. ‘I just want to go out and spend some time with the guy I love doing something different for once.’ Nathan said smiling at me as he leant into kiss me.
I just didn’t get him sometimes.
Idiot. You fucking idiot. Don’t lie to Jay. Just don’t do it. He’s gunna get hurt and upset. I didn’t understand why she’d told me and not Jay but having him out of the Villa when I told him seemed easier.
~At the meal~
‘Jay mate, I’ve got something to tell you.’ I said. Jay looked up at me worried and replied ’ don’t break up with me Nathan, I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong but I can change just don’t do this.’ I laughed ‘I’m not breaking up with you I never would. Its about Holly and the baby.’ His face creased up and he looked like he was in pain just thinking about it. ‘She lost it Jay, yesterday, she fell down the stairs and now your little boys gone.’ I explained.
Jay threw his knife and fork down then ran out the restaurant…
For god sake answer your phone. Just bloody answer it. I’d phoned her at least eight times and it just went straight to voice mail which meant she was hanging up on me. Nathan came up behind me panting ‘I’m sorry you had to hear it from me Jay, I hope you’ll be okay soon.’ He said. I just let the tears fall from my cheeks, silently. Nathan took my hand in his and we walked back to the Villa in silence.
When I woke up the next morning Nathan was wrapping his fingers around my curls. ‘You had a nightmare last night Jay.’ He said. Nightmare? Did I dream all that? ‘Oh did I? How do you know? Any idea what it was about?’ I asked. ‘You seemed worried about me you kept yelling out my name. Then you were thrashing around. So I don’t have a clue mate.’ Nathan replied. I didn’t dream it. It was real and it happened and I wasn’t there for her when it did happen.
My blackberry flashed pink…Holly.
Hi Jay, sorry for not answering my phone but I’m really not in the mood to talk right now. I’m so sorry about this happening I didn’t want it to. But everything happens for a reason and maybe it was for the best. Miss you loads, love you, Holly xxxxxxxxxxx.
Hey gorgeous, its fine I guessed you wouldn’t really be up for talking about it. Don’t apologize cause its not your fault. Maybe it was for the best. Miss you too, love you more, Jay xxxxxxxxxxxx.
~2 weeks later~
We’d got back from Spain and Jayne had moved us all out into separate flats to stop the arguments and fights. I had a note on the worktop in my flat. Hey Nathan, welcome to yours and Jay’s new flat hope you like it. Miss you loads buddy can’t wait to catch up. Tom. I smiled knowing that Tom wanted to catch up soon. I had a crush on Tom when we started the band and as I got to be closer friends with Jay me and Tom drifted apart. Jay was on the phone to Max and I unpacked our suitcases and chucked most of the stuff in the washing machine. Gunna make Jay a romantic meal tonight seeing as the last one went so badly. He’d been on the phone to Max for ages now and I could hear him laughing and telling Max to shut up.
I walked into our bedroom just as I heard Max say ‘Jay I think I may love you.’
‘Cheating on me are we Jay, how long has it been going on with Max then?’ I screamed. ‘No Nathan I’d never do that, Max is drunk he didn’t mean what he said. Stop getting upset over it Nath, nothings happening I promise you.’ Jay said. ‘How the hell am I meant to believe that you’ll never cheat on me, you’ve already left me before so I can’t be that important you.’ I shouted. ‘Nathan what’s come over you calm down please. I’ve already explained to you a million times why I left, I thought we were past all that. I love you and only you.’ Jay cried. ‘Sorry Jay I was just being an idiot and jumping to conclusions cause I know I’m not good enough for you.’ I sighed standing on my tiptoes to kiss Jay. He picked me up into his arms, ‘you Nathan James Sykes are perfect for me so stop doubting yourself.’ Jay said. We kissed until the smoke alarms started going off in the kitchen.
‘You muppet Nathan. Forgetting about the food.’ Jay said producing a very burnt vegetarian lasagne. I bit my lip and spun my body slightly. Jay switched the oven off and dumped the ruined dinner on the side. ‘Stuff the food I’m not hungry tonight. Well for you but not for food.’ Jay said winking and pushing me towards the bedroom.
Jay kissed me clumsily his tongue sliding in and out of my mouth, his hands wondering all over my body. He broke the kiss for a second to pull my top off over my head. I pulled him closer to me just our jeans and boxers between us. Don’t go hard Nathan control yourself for once.
Nathan was resisting getting an erection I moved from his lips and started sucking on his neck, moaning quietly as I moved. His hands moved to my belt and he eased me out of my skinny jeans. I edged him out of his trackies and moved to the bed still kissing him messily.
We knelt on the bed kissing each other, each kiss needing more. I moved my hands to Nathan’s boxers and he was already as hard as a rock. I ripped them off and took my own off turned Nathan round and thrust myself in him hard. He moaned loudly and rested his head on my shoulder as I got faster and faster inside him. ‘Harder Jay bloody harder. You can do better than this.’ Nathan yelled. I stood up taking him with me and thrust harder into him while he screamed and panted. ‘Oh, fuck yes Jay, mmm fucking hell your amazing.’ Nathan said. I carried on getting faster as Nathan closed his eyes and bit his lip. The cum dripped all down his leg and he grinned at me. I pulled out seconds before I came and quickly shoved Nathan’s head to my dick. He licked all the way down and put it into his mouth doing just the same.
After Nathan had finished we flopped into each others arms on the bed.
‘Well that’s a nice way to try our new room out for space, ehh Jay?’ Nath said. ‘Yes best way mate. Love you.’ I replied. Nathan had already fallen asleep in my arms.
Gotta love Nathan…
I woke up in the morning to an empty space next to me. I got out of bed threw some boxers on and walked downstairs. In front of me stood a cleanly shaven Nathan, hair in place, and his favourite top on. I felt like a state with my growing beard and boxers. He smiled his cute little smile at me and dragged me to the kitchen. ‘I made you eggs for breakfast gorgeous.’ Nathan said. I smiled at him and dug into my breakfast as Nathan carried on cleaning the kitchen. ‘Not having anything Nath?’ I asked. ‘Nah I’m fine I’m not really that hungry this morning.’ He said.
Weird child, I was starving. I finished my eggs and walked up behind Nathan. ‘You know we haven’t got anything to do today, fancy a bit of bedroom time?’ I said. ‘No Jay, sorry but I’m not feeling up to it today.’ Nathan sighed fluffing his hair and walking out of the kitchen. Okay then, feeling rejected right about now. I didn’t get him sometimes he was up for it then other days nothing with no explanation.
I said no to Jay? Did that really just happen. I had no idea what went through my mind but we went through the whole day not talking or touching. It came to dinner and Jay had cooked a proper nice meal. ‘Aww this looks lovely Jay.’ I said grinning across the table. He shrugged and shovelled it into his mouth. I carried on pushing my food around my plate having lost my appetite for anything recently. Jay looked up at me between his curls and rolled his eyes. He got up from his chair and smashed his plate in the sink. ‘I was trying to do something nice for you tonight Nathan. Its clear that you don’t want to eat it so just throw it in the bin, I’m sleeping in the spare room tonight.’ Jay said, tears welling up. ‘Jay I want to eat it I just can’t, okay? I honestly can’t eat anything. Please don’t sleep in the spare room, our rooms cold enough as it is.’ I replied nearly crying myself. ‘Try please, just try? I won’t sleep in the spare room we’ll cuddle up tonight.’ Jay said.
I filled my fork full of food and put it towards my mouth. I closed my eyes and ate it. I opened them again to see Jay looking down at me worriedly. He moved towards me and pulled me up out of my chair.
‘Nathan you idiot.’ He said…
‘Just fucking leave it will you Jay, its nothing.’ I shouted. ‘Nothing Nathan, you call that nothing? How long have you been starving yourself then? Why would you even do this your perfect Nathan you shouldn’t change at all.’ Jay spat. ‘Yeah I do actually. I haven’t been starving myself long it started with over eating and chucking it up, and now I can’t eat anything at all. I’ve tried so hard for you Jay but it doesn’t stay down. I’m not perfect I feel like crap standing next to you, or getting changed with you. Cause your the perfect one in our relationship Jay and I feel hideous.’ I replied. ‘Nathan I didn’t even realise, how much of a rubbish boyfriend am I? You are perfect babe and you need to tell me when you feel like this cause it just ends up with us getting pissed off at each other.’ Jay said leaning down to kiss me.
I let him kiss me and take me into the bedroom. ‘Jay please nothing tonight, I don’t want to.’ I pleaded. ‘I’m not planning on doing anything just kiss you and snuggle up together.’ Jay said kissing me messily again.
Every word Nathan said about him being ugly just made me want to break something or break down in tears. He hated himself and I loved every bit about him that he was trying to change. As he fell asleep sobbing into my chest my blackberry flashed pink.
Hi sexy, been thinking about you a lot recently. I know your swinging Nathan’s way now, but I was thinking one little night between us won’t change everything will it? Let me know what you think. Missing you in my bed. Love Holly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shit. Did that just happen? I read the message and almost instantly got hard just thinking about Holly. What was I meant to do?
Hiya beautiful, I’ve been thinking about you quite a bit too. I’m sure one little night won’t change anything really. Miss you in my bed too. Love Jay xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I drifted off to sleep not dreaming of Nathan, but of Holly. Regretting what I planned on doing.
I woke up the next morning and my phone was flashing and Nath’s side of the bed was empty. I read my messages first.
Urmm, Jay. I was drunk last night when I sent that message so I didn’t really mean any of it. I have a new man in my life. One that’s not gunna swing the other way. Delete me from your phone I need you out of my life. x
My heart sank and I fell back into bed sobbing into the pillow. I decided to reply to Holly.
Bitch. That’s honestly all I have to say about you right now. Enjoy your new man he’ll end up leaving you aswell, men expect something decent and to tell you the truth you ain’t it. I’ll gladly delete you from my phone, I don’t want you in my life any more. You just end up ruining everything. See you around slag.
Least I released a little bit of anger on that message. I wiped my eyes and went downstairs to the kitchen. Instead of finding Nathan I found a note.
Jay, I love you. But your too good for me you need to find someone else who’s gunna look right stood next to you. When we stand together it just looks like someone threw us together. Please move on from me cause I want to see you happy. I need you to be happy. Being with me never made you happy, it made me ecstatic you were the best thing that happened to me. I love you with my entire heart but I just can’t keep pretending I feel right standing next to you because your so amazing. And me well I’m nothing, I don’t even measure up to you (not just in height). Please Jay don’t be mad, its for the best mate I know it doesn’t seem like it now but you’ll realise it is.
Love you forever,
Nathan James Sykes.
I read the letter over a million times not wanting these words to be real, pinching my arm to hope I was dreaming. Reality, no dream here. I picked my phone up and rung Nathan hundreds of times. No answer. I threw my phone at the wall and sunk to the floor with my head in my lap.
I got up after about twenty minutes of sitting there crying. I walked to the medicine cabinet, grabbed the first bottle of pills and knocked most of them back.
Goodbye cruel world, I thought as my body hit the floor…
It was the day of a huge interview then a gig in the evening and none of us could get hold of Jay. I took Nathan’s keys and went over there my heart pounding in my chest.
I kicked the door open to the apartment and went searching for Jay. I got to the bathroom and the door was locked. ‘Jay, open the door mate. Come on’ I yelled. Nothing. Silence. I bashed the door down and saw Jay’s pale body lying there, unconscious. I panicked and ran over to him, sobbing. ‘Jay mate, come on, wake up, please.’ I cried. My hands were shaking as I called the ambulance and told them everything I knew.
The paramedics arrived and I showed them the empty tablet bottle I found next to him. They half smiled at me as they wheeled Jay out of the apartment.
I dialled Nathan ‘Meet me at the hospital its urgent.’ I said. No reply. I clambered into the back of the ambulance with Jay. Holding his hand and crying. ‘He’ll be alright won’t he?’ I asked. ‘Sorry son we can’t tell you that right now.’ The paramedic replied. My heart sank.
Tom was crying and his voice was full of worry. I feared the worst and called a taxi to the hospital.
I got there and Tom showed me to Jay’s room.
My heart fell from my chest as I saw him lying there, my fault, all my fault…
I fell to my knees in the doorway of Jay’s room. If I hadn’t written him that letter we’d all be on our way to the gig right now. But no I had to be an inconsiderate bastard and break his heart. I looked back up at him again and noticed the machines pretty much doing everything for him. ‘At least he’s still alive sweetie. He took a lot of pills but once we get him sorted he’ll be right as rain and he’ll come round.’ One of the nurses said. ‘At least he’s still alive.’ The words just kept circling around in my head.
‘C’mon mate you need to get some rest, you can’t stay sat next to his bed forever.’ Tom said shaking my arm. ‘But Tom, this is all my fault I can’t leave him here.’ I sniffled. ‘I’ll stay and let you know if he makes any progress.’ Tom replied. I sighed and stroked Jay’s hair then reluctantly walked out. I watched as Tom took Jay’s hand into his own, jealousy spread over me, but he wasn’t my Jay any more. I guess it kinda hurt but I knew it was my own fault for being so stupid and breaking up with him.
Jay was so pale and the machines behind him bleeped every time a different part of his body twitched. I hated seeing him like this. Nathan was reluctant to leave him but if Jay woke up I knew he wouldn’t want to see him.
‘Hey mate.’ A weak voice said to me. I looked up from resting my head on the bed and saw Jay with his big blue eyes open and looking down on me. ‘Oh my jesus your awake, this is amazing, let me go phone Nathan he’ll be made up.’ I said. ‘Turn the machines off Tom, I don’t need them. Don’t even think about ringing him I never want to see him again.’ Jay said trying to pull his drip out. ‘Jay you need them their keeping you alive. I understand mate I won’t ring him if you don’t want to see him.’ I replied. ‘I’d rather be dead, why’d you think I did this tom? It wasn’t just for the fun of it to end up like this again. I hate my life.’ Jay said bursting into tears as one of the nurses told him to calm down. A trail of tears fell down my cheeks as I watched Jay lapse out of consciousness again.
Tom came home from the hospital looking rough and telling me Jay had made no progress. Max and Seev left to go visit him. I went round to mine and Jay’s flat just to be alone. I picked up his favourite t-shirt and threw it on instead of mine, taking in his smell. I cried into his top, knowing that it was my fault he didn’t make any more progress. I fell asleep sobbing into his top.
When we got to the hospital Jay was awake and crying. Tom had told us what he said so we tried our best to tread carefully with the topics we talked about. We spoke about the new album, fans and gigs. Never once mentioning Nathan’s name. He asked us to leave because he felt tired we hugged him and left.
I didn’t want any of them there. I wanted to be dead. Nothing meant anything any more knowing that Nathan didn’t want me. I hated him for doing this to me. I’d never been more depressed in my life. He made my life complete then ruined it all over again. I reminisced back to our first night together, how wrong it felt but at the same time, so incredibly amazing. The way Nathan slid the condom onto my hard dick and positioned himself perfectly so I could fuck him hard. He screamed my name again and again begging me to stop. I couldn’t stop Nathan was my adrenaline and without him I was weak. Then I remembered our holiday together and how every night spent in the bedroom just got more heated and more aggressive.
I looked underneath the covers and noticed I was completely hard just thinking about him. A tear slid from my eye as I thought ‘I hate my life, I hate you Nathan for making me love you so much. I hate you, I fucking hate you.’
That’s when the machine behind me bleeped and I blacked out…
I went to the hospital still wearing Jay’s t-shirt and hoping he’d be awake. Instead I walked into his room and the doctors were trying resuscitate him. I put my hand across my mouth and walked out crying. It was all my fault he was suffering like that.
I looked back up as I saw Jay was sat up in bed crying. ‘Jay, I was so worried, I’m glad your okay gorgeous.’ I said through tears. ‘Get the fuck away from me. I never want to talk to you ever again. I’ve pushed everyone else away from me because of you Nathan. I hate you just don’t bother coming back, you broke up with me and I certainly ain’t gunna grovel to get you back.’ Jay replied. ‘I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I broke up with you cause I saw the messages you and Holly sent so I thought you wanted her instead of me. I knew I was never good enough for you. I’m sorry.’ I said. Jay just shook his head and turned away from me. I left crying.
He read my messages and then broke up with me because of it. God I needed him back. I longed to have him back but I couldn’t deal with getting hurt again. The doctors came in to talk to me about some suicide shit, I ignored them and carried on tracing my finger along my tattoo. Max and Tom came by later and I was relieved when Max climbed into my bed and hugged me tight. I just needed someone to hold me and tell me it’d be okay. I cried on Max’s shoulder as Tom stroked my hand. ‘You’ll get through this mate, your strong. You don’t need Nathan. We’ll find Bird a bird, ehh Maxxy boy?’ Tom said grinning. Max nodded his head. ‘Cheers Parker. I know I don’t need him he’s a useless cunt. Finding me a bird sounds good once I’m out of here.’ I replied.
I didn’t want a girlfriend. It wouldn’t be right any more. Fucking Tom or Max would do for me. But they wouldn’t want to. I sighed when the doctors came in and told me I was safe to go home as long as people kept a good eye on me. Max and Tom agreed they’d keep an eye on me.
~2 Weeks later~
‘Harder Max, please just fuck me harder.’ I woke with a start from my dream. Fully erect. ‘Looks like something woke up before you did, mate.’ Max giggled standing in my doorway. I looked up at him and replied ‘yeah guess it did not my fault.’ Max smirked and moved towards my bed. ‘Who’s fault was it then?’ He asked. I threw the covers off and walked over to him. He kicked the door shut and moved closer to me. ‘Yours mate.’ I whispered. Max instantly kissed me moving his tongue in and out of my mouth. ‘Hang on Max lock the door a minute.’ I moaned. He moved away and locked the door then pushed me back onto the bed.
We kissed passionately stripping each others clothes off as we kissed. Max wriggled me out of my boxers and looked down shocked then looked at me seductively. I got harder as we gazed into each others eyes. ‘Suck me Max. You know you want to.’ I whispered. He winked at me and licked up and down my dick before taking it in his mouth. I came and Max choked, I pulled him into my arms and kissed him taking the cum from his mouth. We stood up next to the bed and I took Max’s boxers off. I turned him round and positioned myself at his anal passage. ‘Are you ready mate?’ I whispered into his ear. Max moaned as he tossed himself off. ‘Always ready for you.’ He replied. I inserted myself and fucked him rough and hard. Carefully nibbling on his neck as I got faster and faster. ‘Jay…fucking hell your amazing…please stop…ple…ohh.’ Max moaned and gasped as I came flooding him with my hot cum. He collapsed into my arms and we lay in the bed Max still on top of me.
‘That was, just insane. We have to do it again.’ Max said. ‘Try and stop me mate. Its your turn to fuck me next.’ I said. ‘I can fuck you now if you want sexy?’ Max said. I pushed him off of my chest and stood up positioning myself for him. ‘My christ your tight Jay.’ Max said as he entered me. He soon got used to it and had his rhythm going it was amazing, his first time with a guy and he was incredible. I bent down over the bed my ass getting tighter and Max screaming out in pleasure as he fucked as hard as he could.
Max came and slid out of me flopping onto the bed as I kissed him and fingered his ass. ‘I’ve never done that before Jay and now I seriously wonder why I hadn’t’ Max laughed. I smiled at him and started tossing him off.
I could get used to being with Max…
Jay was stood there, plaid shirt on and chinos. His curls fell perfectly around his neck I watched him as he fried the eggs. Lost in a daydream. Parker stop it your not gay. You only like Jay as a friend. ‘Oii, Parker did you want 2 eggs or 3?’ Jay yelled at me snapping me out of my daydream. ‘Urmm…can I have 3 mate?’ I replied. He nodded his head and did his little crooked smile at me. Nathan came bounding through the door and I watched as Jay’s whole face lit up. Fuck off Nathan, fuck off he doesn’t want you any more. I want him.
Tom was acting weird since he got up. He watched me closely biting his lip as I moved around the kitchen. Seriously first Max and now Tom? Too much? I didn’t want either of them though when Nathan came in it took every bit of courage I had to stop myself from kissing his little face off. Tom turned his nose up as I smiled at Nathan. Please don’t like me Parker, please I thought. He gobbled his eggs down and walked out leaving me and Nathan for confrontation. ‘I still love you Nathan, you know that don’t you?’ I said. ‘Yeah I know that. I still love you. I understand I hurt you mate, but can’t we start again please. I’ll never find anyone that compares to you.’ Nathan pleaded.
Never find anyone that compares to me, thoughts of Max flooded through my head. The way he smiled as I kissed him. His moan when we fucked. Max, Max, Max. I looked up at Nathan. I needed to forgive him but I needed freedom just to try out stuff for a while. ‘I forgive you. But I don’t want to get back together yet mate. I need time to clear my head.’ I stammered. Nathan’s face lit up and he said ‘Jay that’s amazing, thank you so much. I know you don’t want to yet its fine. Being friends is good enough for now.’ He ran into my arms and hugged me.
Nathan left and I’d been sat in my room for about two hours pleasing myself over Jay. He walked in and grinned at me. ‘Hey mate, having fun there are we?’ Jay laughed. ‘Shut it you. Kiss me. Now.’ I demanded. Jay looked shocked and moved over to me straddling me. He pushed his soft lips against mine and kissed me slowly at first but increasing in passion. Wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I liked him. Really liked him. I pulled him in by his collar and started to undress him. We stood up staring at each other naked and Jay turned me round to fuck me. He went slowly at first but he was soon thrusting so hard my ass ached. ‘Ohh my…..JAAAY!’ I screamed. He laughed and took himself out of me. I turned back around to face him and kissed him. We kissed passionately for ages then I flopped onto my bed and Jay walked out.
I got home and my phone flashed blue…
Hiyaa handsome (; I was just thinking, I’m bored tonight. My heads pretty clear now. I’m coming over to the flat you need to make this up to me. I love you, Jay xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I went weak at the knees and instantly went hard thinking of him. I peeled my clothes off and lied down in bed waiting for him. ‘Nathan. Where are you gorgeous?’ Jay yelled. ‘In the bedroom sexy.’ I shouted. He came running in, looked at me and stripped off instantly. We got into each others arms kissing and playing with each other. ‘Fuck me Nathan, hard and rough. You owe me big time.’ Jay whispered as he kissed down my neck. I pushed him onto all fours and inserted my throbbing dick into him. He came off of his hands pressing his back against my chest. I missed this so bad. I increased speed as Jay tossed himself off to the same rhythm I was going. ‘I’m…I’m gunna….ohh.’ I yelled filling Jay with my hot cum. He sighed and turned me round inserting himself in me and fucking me roughly.
We lay in each others arms kissing. I pulled away. ‘Jay I’ve missed that so badly. Please just take me back I’ll grovel all you want I’ll do whatever I just can’t be without you any more.’ I said. ‘I’ve missed that too. I think that was all the grovelling you needed to do. I’ll take you back very gladly.’ Jay said grinning and leaning back to kiss me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Jay. I screwed Michelle hundreds of times and all I thought of was Jay.
Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. Why did he do this to me? I didn’t even get to fuck him. He fucked me then left. I wanted him back in my bedroom again.
‘I think I love you McGuiness’ I thought…
The crowd gasped as Jay ran into my arms and kissed me, he kept kissing me, getting more and more desperate each time. I woke up with a start from my dream, we’d been rehearsing for gigs for over a week now and every time I slept I had the same dream. The lads knew we were back together and Seev was happy about it but Max and Tom just looked at us weirdly.
‘I’m so sorry Nathan. I never meant for it to happen. I was mad at you and I missed you. Forgive me please?’ I screamed. I woke up sweating and worrying. Dreaming thank christ for that. I felt so guilty for getting it on with Tom and Max. And I didn’t like being forced to stay in a hotel room on my own. There was a light tap on my door. I jumped from my bed and opened it to Nathan standing there. ‘Gunna invite me in McGuiness?’ He said lustfully. I ushered him into my room and locked the door behind us.
Nathan pushed me against the wall slowly undoing my shirt buttons. I took his cap off and threw it across the room he looked at me and laughed, grinding into my crotch. ‘Stop it you.’ I said. ‘Sorry can’t help myself when you wear such tight jeans.’ Nathan laughed licking his lips. I kissed him, holding his cheek forcing our lips together tightly. I wrapped my other arm around his waist and fiddled with the bottom of his t-shirt. Nathan moved his hands from my neck lower and lower till he reached my jeans. He got down on his knees and winked at me taking my jeans and boxers off so slowly.
Oh how I loved to tease Jay. He glared at me as I stroked along his thighs. ‘Nathan for crying out loud hurry the hell up.’ He yelled. ‘Patience Jay, patience.’ I giggled back, kissing his thighs. He sighed and let his body go limp falling to the floor. ‘Oh now your just ruining it Jay.’ I said. He laughed and pulled me into a kiss just as someone knocked on the door. We got up and went to open it. ‘Oh, we thought Jay was in here alone, uhh don’t worry about it have fun guys.’ Tom mumbled. ‘No come on what did you want? Come in and we can talk.’ Jay said. We all went back into the bedroom.
‘Well Jay me and Tom had been talking about when we got with you. We were just kinda wondering if Nathan was up for it aswell?’ Max said. Jay, my Jay got with Tom and Max. I ripped my top off and wriggled out of my jeans and boxers. ‘Who wants me then?’ I asked. Tom laughed and knelt down to suck me off. Jay positioned himself at my ass and inserted himself with a massive thrust. I grunted in pain but was soon loving every minute. Max fucked Jay and Tom positioned himself for me to fuck him. We were moaning loudly together. Fucking one another at the same speed. Tom was shooting load after load onto the carpet. Amazing absolutely amazing, I thought to myself. Jay pulled out and Max instantly started sucking him off. Jealousy sprung to mind and I pulled away from Tom. I walked to Jay and Max and punched Max.
I grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom tears falling.
I felt even worse after doing that. Max and Tom got changed and left quickly, apologizing. ‘Nathan, gorgeous please come out and talk to me.’ I pleaded. He unlocked the door sobbing. ‘I’m so sorry babe, I love you. You’ve gotta know it never meant anything with either of them I just missed you. I only thought of you the whole time.’ I cried. He shook his head and walked over to the bed.
‘I don’t think its ever gunna work out between us Jay.’ Nathan sighed…
‘No Nathan for crying out loud you can’t finish with me again.’ I cried. ‘Jay I’m not gunna do that, you didn’t let me finish you muppet. Its not gunna work till we come out, we’ve got to tell our parents and most importantly the fans.’ Nathan replied. ‘You sure its what you want to do mate? Cause if it is then we’ll do it. Just don’t scare me like that again.’ Nathan nodded and stood up on the bed, wrapped his legs slowly around my waist and kissed me passionately. ‘Ever told you, I love you McGuiness.’ He sighed. ‘I love you more Flyboy.’ I replied. He glared at me and I flopped onto the bed him still wrapped around me. We fell asleep in each others arms.
Jay’s parents. My parents. The fans. The day came for us to tell everyone and we were both shaking as we climbed into the taxi to Nottingham. A few hours later we arrived outside Jay’s parents house.
He took my hand in his and walked up to the house. His mum came out to meet him and he instantly shook my hand away from his. I sighed, this wouldn’t be the hardest. She showed us into the house and we sat down at the kitchen table as she made cups of tea. ‘Mum…I have something…to tell you.’ Jay stammered. ‘Go ahead Jay you know you can tell me anything.’ His mum replied cheerfully. ‘I’m…I’m…I’m…gay. I…lo…love…Naa…Nathan.’ Jay mumbled. His mum looked up from the cups shocked, there was an awkward pause before she said ‘oh Jay that’s good, I’m glad you’ve settled down, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest that your gay. At least your happy. And hey Nathan’s a handsome guy, no one can blame you.’ I sighed that was easier than expected.
Jay ran into his mums arms and gave her a huge hug. I just kept looking at my tea in front of me knowing it wouldn’t be this easy with my mum.
I was over the moon that my mum had accepted me and Nathan as a couple. We said our goodbyes and clambered into another taxi for the long ride to Gloucester. ‘It’ll be okay Nathan.’ I said stroking his hair. ‘It won’t be as easy as it was with your mum though. My mums not gunna accept us as a couple Jay.’ He cried. I pulled him into my arms for a long hug. ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks, I only care what you think. I love you.’ I whispered into his ear. He buried his face deeper into my chest, I felt my top getting soaked with tears. I kissed the top of his head and wrapped my arms tighter around him.
We got to Gloucester and Nathan’s mum and sister ran outside to greet us. I smiled awkwardly as they hugged Nath asking him how the journey was, he lied saying it was fine. ‘Mum I have something I need to tell you.’ Nathan sighed. ‘Okay darling, Jess go to the shop and get some more biscuits.’ His mum replied. We went into the front room sitting on the sofa. Nathan took my hand in his. ‘Mum I’m in love with Jay.’ Nathan announced confidently. I squeezed his hand.
His mum burst into tears and ran from the room. About ten minutes later she came back in. ‘You, you twisted my son. He was so perfect as a little boy then he got involved with you lot. Now you’ve turned him gay. Just get out both of you. I need time to think this through and I don’t want to see either of you.’ She screamed directly at me. I wasn’t standing for this. ’ He’s still your same little boy just he’s in love with me it makes him no different. We’ll leave but you’ve gotta know you’ve upset Nathan by not accepting this.’ I spat back at her. She shook her head and pointed to the door. I picked Nathan up in my arms and walked out with him sobbing into my chest.
The flat was cold when we got in and Nathan lied down on the sofa still emotional from today’s events. ‘Do you want me to tell the fans?’ I said sitting next to him. ‘If you don’t mind mate, I don’t think I could put up with the hate tonight.’ He said. ‘You just go to sleep and let me worry about sorting this then gorgeous.’ I replied kissing him as his sore eyes closed.
I grabbed my laptop and sat on the floor opposite him. Twit longer is going to be needed here I think.
I know this is going to break a lot of fan girls hearts and upset them but you need to understand its what is making us happy. You see the thing is @NathanTheWanted and myself are dating. We have been for a while. To be honest I love him. He’s so amazing, when you guys meet him I bet you reckon he’s not like that all the time, well he is. He’s the cutest most down to earth guy ever, and without him I’d be lost in this world. He makes me so happy, and I feel so lucky to have him to call my own. Hate us all you like, but your meant to be fans and care about our happiness. Without each other me and Nathan wouldn’t be happy. So accept the fact that we’re in love. Carry on loving our music and we’ll carry on making music for you. But if your gunna start hating, click the unfollow button cause I don’t want the hate. Plus we don’t deserve it we’ve done nothing wrong. All my love Jay xxxx
I clicked post and ran my hands through my curls. Watching the mentions stack up. ‘OMG Nath and Jay are gay. LOL.’ Pathetic I thought to myself. I shut the laptop and curled up next to Nathan.
He wrapped an arm around me and whispered ‘it’ll be okay, they’ll deal with it.’
I nodded as the tears finally fell…
I woke up and turned over to find Jay curled up in a ball on the floor. ‘Hey, hey, Jay wake up.’ I shouted. ‘I wasn’t sleeping muppet, I haven’t slept all night.’ He yawned. I looked up at his face his eyes were blood shot and sore all round the bottom, his nose was bright red and he looked genuinely fatigued. ‘Mate go lie down in bed, I’ll call Jayne and tell her your really sick so you can’t do the interview.’ I said smiling down at him. Jay shrugged and sulked off to the bedroom leaving his phone on the rug. I needed to know why he was crying all night so I grabbed his phone and opened the messages.
Did you guys know @Jaythewanted turned baby Nath gay.
OMG. @Jaythewanted is gay and I reckon Nath’s just playing around with him.
Hey @Jaythewanted keep your skanky hands off Nathan nobody wants you turning him gay.
The tears fell as the fans got bitchier and bitchier towards Jay. I sobbed, hurting for him. I got my own phone out and tweeted Stop it yeah? Its pathetic and your hurting us both.
I sighed and walked towards the bedroom, Jay was curled up tightly on the bed still crying. I went to the bed and wrapped my arms around him. ‘It’ll be okay, their just jealous of us mate.’ I whispered. He looked up at me and sighed ‘fuck me Nathan please.’ I went hard instantly.
The lust in Nathan’s eyes when I begged him to fuck me was so hot. He began kissing my neck and slowly undid my shirt kissing all down my chest, licking inside my belly button. ‘Oh..Nath..an’ I moaned. He looked up at me and giggled. Nathan carried on licking my belly button as he noticed how it turned me on. ‘Just…ri..mmm..mee..al..ready.’ I screamed. He laughed and took my trousers and boxers off flinging them to the other side of the bedroom.
Pulling my long legs up onto his shoulders he started fingering my ass and licking the tip of my dick. ‘Jay you taste so amazing.’ Nathan sighed. ‘Would you just fuck me already cause I can’t take it any more.’ I moaned. He winked and rubbed his hand up and down his dick before thrusting hard and fast into my ass.
He had his hands on my back and was closing his eyes and biting his lip. I watched as the vein in his neck popped out and I came, dripping it all down his chest. He opened his eyes and looked down. ‘You..can…clean…that…’ Nathan mumbled but didn’t finish as I increased movement. He dug his nails in my back and sped up again. I felt my ass filled with hot come and Nathan started to pull away. ‘No Nathan keep going please I need you..too.’ I said winking at him.
Nathan increased speed again and we were both screaming out as we continued to come. Neither of us having any energy but too far into the moment to stop. Nathan grunted one final time as I came on his chest. ‘Jay I…can’t..any…more.’ He panted. Nathan pulled out and flopped onto my chest.
I panted and wrapped my arms around him…
Nathan was singing loudly from the shower and I sat on the bed laughing at his out of tune morning voice. ‘And I don’t want the world to see me cause I don’t think, that they’ understand.’ He sang. ‘Nathan, shut it you sound awful this morning.’ I yelled back. ‘Always nice to have my boyfriends support on my singing. Thanks babe.’ He shouted. ‘Its alright sexy, I know how much you appreciate it.’ I laughed.
He walked into the bedroom hair still dripping and no towel. I had to look down to resist from going straight to him. ‘Oi, McGuiness. I’m waiting.’ He said. I carried on typing the mailer, suppose none of the fans would read it now but I still enjoyed writing it. ‘Jay for crying out loud man. I’m practically begging here.’ Nathan sighed. ‘Leave me alone okay I’m trying to concentrate.’ I snapped. ‘Woah someone’s on their man period. I’ll go get take away while you and your hormones settle down.’ He replied grabbing his clothes and walking out.
Everyday, the same thing. He just acts like I’m not around now. Its horrible to think of the possibilities of why he won’t do anything now. Killing me slowly. I walked into the Chinese and was greeted by screaming fan girls. ‘Leave me alone, leave me just fucking leave me.’ I thought. My eyes welled up and I pushed past them running back to mine and Jay’s flat.
‘Right. What’s your problem? What have I done wrong? I can’t deal with you ignoring me like this Jay. If you want to break up with me then just do it instead of being a dick.’ I shouted. ‘Nathan what you on about? I’ve been talking to you, tossing you off, the usual. I haven’t ignored you once. And I’m not going to break up with you.’ He replied. I ran my fingers through my hair, hands shaking. ‘You haven’t spoken a word to me since we last had sex over a week ago Jay. So don’t go bullshitting your way out of this.’ I cried.
Jay got up off of the bed, ‘I’m so sorry mate. I’ve just been panicking about our gig tomorrow. What if no one turns up Nathan? Just cause we’ve come out. The boys would hate us forever.’ Jay sobbed into my shoulder. ‘It’ll be okay, their meant to support us in all of our choices. There will be some fans there.’ I replied.
I pulled him closer for a tighter hug as we went hard against each other…
I watched as Jay’s eyes lit up realising I was hard aswell. He took my hand and dragged me to the bathroom. Peeling my clothes off and kissing my neck at the same time, he started the shower and waited for me to take his clothes off of him. He pushed me into the shower eyes full of lust and cock throbbing. I jumped to him wrapping my legs around his back. We fell against the back of the shower tongues tangled in each others mouths, the water falling all around us. Jay’s hand moved from my face to my cock I was already on the verge of coming and just one touch from Jay I exploded all over his chest. He sighed and giggled into the kiss. Unhooking me from around him he turned around and moaned ‘Nathan please.’ I thrust myself into him hard and he screamed. I started to get my rhythm and Jay was moaning in pleasure.
We both screamed as the shower went freezing cold, I ran to get out. ‘Where’d you think your off to big boy?’ Jay said pulling me back in and thrusting into my ass. ‘Ohh…Jay…I….I…lov…lovee…you.’ I screamed.
We both stumbled out of the shower tired and freezing cold. Nathan grabbed the duvet and we sat on the sofa watching movie’s and fiddling with each other. Until we remembered we had a gig and got ready with our stuff. We left the apartment in a dash and got to sound check just in time. The other boys shook their heads at us and walked onto stage clearly in a mood. Nathan rolled his eyes and made a face grabbing his ear pieces. I giggled and grinned at him inserting my own ear pieces. We ran onto stage together while the boys were just setting their microphone stands up.
‘Yeah I like it like that.’ Nathan sang looking over at me and winking. My heart melted and I ended up grinning like an idiot. Oh my part, focus Jay, focus.
The gig ended up as a huge success and everyone left on a high. ‘So lads I think tonight should be a messy one to celebrate our first gig with our new songs.’ Max said. We all nodded and climbed into the van together. Nathan slipped his hand onto my thigh and kissed me wrapping his other hand in my curls. The boys made gagging noises but genuinely looked happy for us. I was made up that today had been such a perfect day.
Life went into slow motion as the van collided with something else…
My heart was thumping against my chest and I reached my hand out to hold onto Nathan’s. The rest of the boys did the same and we sat in the back of the van holding hands and tears rolling down our cheeks. ‘It’ll be okay guys, just stay in the van, there’s too many fans around for you to get out.’ Martin said to us. We all nodded and continued to cry as we watched the driver of the other car being wheeled away on a stretcher. It hit us all hard knowing that he might not be okay but knowing that each of us was safe was a big relief.
I gripped onto Jay’s hand so tight I could see it going paler. I loosened my grip and Jay looked down to me, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Eventually we were all smuggled into another van and taken back to Tom’s flat. Kelsey ran to the door and jumped on Tom. ‘I was so fricking worried about you when you text me, god please don’t ever put me through that again.’ She cried covering him in kisses. ‘Never again baby girl, never again.’ Tom replied kissing her back.
Jay and I stayed for a couple of hours but went home after a while longing just to be alone together. We got into the flat and both collapsed onto the bed. I hovered above Jay longing to get close tonight. ‘Nathan, sorry, please not tonight mate it won’t seem right, sorry.’ He sighed. I nodded and went to get a cup of tea.
I came back up and Jay was fast asleep grinning his little curly head off.
‘Your my world James Noah Carlos McGuiness.’ I whispered into his ear…
‘I’ll understand you just give me the chance to love you more than you’ll ever know.’ I belted out waiting for the bloody kettle to boil. I’d been watching Jay sleep for about an hour and decided making cups of tea was definitely more productive. I walked back into the bedroom cups in my hand and looked up to see Jay was still snoring his head off. I put the cups down and went to the bathroom to find another cup. I let the cold tap run for a few seconds to make it colder then filled the cup up. I threw it over Jay. ‘Fuck, shit, crap, Nath you tosser come here now.’ He yelled. I cracked up and ran from the bedroom as Jay started to run.
I made it to the front room before Jay’s arms wrapped around me from behind. ‘Nathan your so annoying, grrr, I was enjoying my dreams.’ He mumbled burying his face into my neck, kissing softly. ‘Sorry babe I was getting lonely and very bored.’ I replied. Jay carried on kissing my neck teasing me as he pretended to go into my boxers but stopped at the waist band.
I stroked my fingers carefully along the waist band of Nathan’s boxers and watched him bite his lower lip. Removing my hands from his waist I pushed him to the sofa. Still only wearing boxers I straddled Nathan and began grinding into his crotch. ‘Jay…stop please…stop…ohh…no don’t stop…don’t stop.’ Nathan moaned. I giggled in his face as he went from telling me to stop to telling me to keep going. I got off of him and turned around, pulled my boxers down slowly and sat back on him. I carried on grinding on his boxer covered crotch until they were soaked. ‘Someone get a bit excited, ehh?’ I laughed. ‘Shut up and let me fuck you already.’ Nathan replied clearly getting impatient. I pulled down his boxers and sat on his cock facing him.
Nathan started slowly but soon enough we were both screaming each others names and panting heavily. I came as I felt the hot rush of Nathan’s come fill me. We both sighed and kissed passionately.
‘Jay I’m going away on Friday with my Mum.’ Nathan panted…
‘But, but, but, you, you, said you didn’t want any more to do with her after she didn’t accept us. Where you going? How long for?’ I said in a rushed way. ‘Mate calm down, she wants to talk about whether we’re actually serious, its just the weekend and I’m gunna be at home, you can ring me all the time. Calm it Jay, calm it.’ Nath said pulling me closer to him. I sighed and relaxed into his arms. Maybe the time apart would be good for us to give us a bit of space to do our own thing for a while. Instead of well living in each others asses. I laughed thinking the last thing and crawled out of bed and got changed to call the lads for a piss up.
Jay wasn’t happy I could tell he wasn’t but it was just something I had to do to get my mum to understand he was the one for me and nothing was gunna change my mind. I drifted off dreaming of Jay to begin with and my dreams getting weirder as usual. I woke up sweating and had to take a cold shower to calm down. I threw my trackies on and saw Jay and the rest of the lads completely drunk sat on the floor of the front room. ‘Nathaan.’ Jay slurred. ‘Come join us, get wasted man, then we can have more bedroom fun.’ I sighed running a hand through my wet hair. ‘Get out just go all of you, Jay shower, now, I ain’t talking to you till your more sober.’ I yelled. The boys left and Jay did as he was told.
I put my head in my hands and sobbed. I wasn’t quite sure what for, maybe about the dreams or Jay not understanding. Either way crying seemed easier than jumping back into the shower with James Fucking McGuiness. He didn’t come back down for the rest of the night I just heard him snoring his head off. He always snored when he was drunk.
I quietly went upstairs and grabbed my bag and began to pack. Throwing any random thing in, but also Jay’s t-shirt from today so the smell of him still lingered upon it.
‘I’ll see you soon mate, I love you.’ I said as tears pained my eyes and I kissed his head…
I woke up, sweaty and frustrated. I hadn’t slept since I got to my mums. Those dreams just got worse, each time seeming more real and making me really believe them. Mum came in every so often to check I was okay but I only nodded and continued to relive them in my head.
Life sucked without Nathan. Okay so it was only a weekend but he did the washing and usually cooked tea. I was pretty damn lost without his little sloth face. I rung him on Saturday to make sure things were okay, and I have to say the conversation was pretty blunt. It kinda worried me, but I left it thinking nothing more of it. Till the message came through…
Nathan; Jay babe, its me, yeah only me? I just get paranoid that your gunna find someone else someone better than me. Sorry, I’m being like this things have been weird lately. I love you. xxxxx
Me; Why ask such a stupid question? You know its only you so don’t ask stupid questions! I’ll never find anyone better than you. What’s been weird explain? I love you more. xxxxxxxxx
Nathan; Jeez calm down I was only asking. I’ll explain when I get home. I love you more than you love meee. xxxxxxx
I ignored the last message I hated it when he told me to calm down when I clearly wasn’t stressy. They say women are more stress than men, its so the other way round.
Pretty sure I’d annoyed Jay with those messages I just didn’t wanna talk about the dreams through text. Right so lately I’d dreamt of Jay marrying a girl. I knew it wasn’t real but the sheer weirdness of it just made me insecure and upset.
The dreams always started with us arguing and him leaving. Then I guess skipping a while and going to me sitting at his wedding. I get it, I get it isn’t real but it feels it when I realise who he’s marrying. Everyone smiles as she walks down the aisle but I feel the pain, the jealousy. Its just a dream Nathan, just a dream.
‘Do you Jessica Sykes take Jay McGuiness to be your husband?’ The priest says as I wake up sweating, again…
My Nathan was due home today. I spent hours cleaning the flat and getting everything ready for him to come home. I was absolutely buzzing. But he never showed, I sat in front of the door like a kid waiting for his Dad to come home from work. Nothing. All night I sat there, I even slept by the door aswell. I rung him this morning to see where he was, no answer. I knew something was up from the texts the other night but I didn’t expect him to not come home.
I didn’t wanna go back to the flat. So I booked myself into a hotel close by to Siva’s apartment. I knew the dreams weren’t real course I knew but it just confused me about what I wanted with Jay. I pulled out my phone and sent him a message.
Jay baby, we need a long chat about what we both want in this relationship. I’ve been gay ever since I met you but I know you weren’t to begin with, I will fully understand if you don’t want me any more. I’m giving you the choice, the freedom in choosing where we go from here. Because I’m always the one to cock it up. Please don’t be angry I haven’t come back. I’ll be home if you want me back. I’m just confused and upset, don’t get paranoid that you’ve done something wrong because you haven’t. Its me Jay not you.
Nathan your such an idiot. Just come home now, please.
I grabbed my bags and ran from the hotel.
His message. I read it and cried. He’d found someone else, it was obvious and he was just trying to break it off in the nicest way possible. ‘Who is he then Nathan? Is he better in bed than me? Better looking? Was it just a one night stand and you wanted more?’ I said anger filling me. I was moments away from hitting Nathan. ‘Jay calm down please I haven’t found anyone else I’m scared you have…’ He explained a huge long story about all his dreams recently. How petrified he was that I’d leave him for his sister.
I pulled him into my arms and we sat there for ages crying. ‘Nathan that’s never gunna happen its always gunna be you. Maybe I wasn’t gay at the start of the band like you but, I love you and no one or anything is going to change that. I’m always gunna be with you.’ I said.
Nathan leant forward and kissed me with such passion that it knocked me back onto the sofa.
‘I’ll love you forever Jay.’ Nathan grinned…
‘Wanna make up properly?’ I whispered into Jay’s ear, softly nibbling on it as I spoke. Jay giggled and pushed himself up onto his elbows and kissed me. ‘Go for it gorgeous.’ He replied. Slipping a cold hand into my chino’s. I shivered and smiled as he started to pump getting faster and faster. I threw my head back and focused on something else so I could let Jay keep going. It didn’t work, seconds later he pulled out a sticky hand and began to lick it clean. I leant in and kissed him, locking our tongues together and taking my cum back. Everything was getting hot in the front room, I whipped my hoody off and watched as Jay licked his lips, sat underneath me. I stood up and slowly undid the belt on my chino’s, and threw my top over my head. Jay got up from the sofa and picked me up in his arms pushing us against the wall and kissing like it was our last kiss.
We woke up three hours later completely naked, sweaty and lying on the living room floor wrapped together. I looked over to Jay he winked at me and grinned. Heaven that boy’s smile really was heaven.
We peeled apart from each other and walked to the bathroom holding hands. I put the plug in and started to run the hot, chucking bubble bath in as well. Jay lit the candles surrounding the tub and we clambered in together.
‘I had fun earlier mate thanks.’ Jay smiled tracing his fingers along my arm. ‘No need to thank me mate its a joint effort.’ I laughed flipping his arm over to trace his tattoo. We stayed in the bath for ages. Giggling like two school girls, and kissing like long lost lovers.
This was a day I never wanted to end…
‘WAKE UP! Your such a lazy shite!’ Jay yelled into my ear. ‘I think I’m up and deaf now, cheers babe love you loads.’ I replied. Jay giggled and bit his lip. I propped myself onto my elbows and kissed him passionately. ‘Anyway, why have I gotta get up?’ I asked sighing. ‘Cause we’re all going to Spain today, I’ve packed for you, you just need to put those clothes on and get ready to leave.’ Jay smiled. ‘Gee thanks mum, I really needed you to do all that for me.’ I laughed. Jay sulked and turned away from me. ‘Aww baby I’m sorry you know I was only joking.’ I said pulling him into a kiss again. ‘Mate I’d be worried if you did the stuff we did to your mum.’ Jay said pulling away from the kiss. I punched him playfully and pulled him on top of me. We lay there arms wondering, exploring the bodies we were so familiar with. Touching tongues and watching as the other exploded in ecstasy to the sensation. Jay was mine and I was never letting him go.
I wrapped my arms tighter around him and kissed harder. ‘Fuck…it Nathan…we can be late…wanna…mmm.’ Jay moaned. I knew what he was trying to say and without moving my lips from his I eased us both out of our boxers. Soon our hands were slipping down there instead of massaging each others weak spots. Jay sat up still kissing me and slipped my cock into his ass. I sat up bringing myself closer to him so I could keep kissing him hard and rough. We started a proper rhythm going and I could feel Jay moaning in the kisses. I was dying to pull away for a breath but it was all too passionate to stop. I never wanted any of this to stop.
It was so heated neither of us wanted to pull away or let this stop but we knew when the phone rung that we were in trouble with the rest of the lads. I answered it. ‘Right to be honest I don’t wanna know what your doing that’s made you miss the plane. But if your not on the next one some serious shit will be going down tonight.’ Tom yelled and hung up.
We took this as an opportunity to keep going as hard and as fast as we could. I asked Nathan if he wanted to swap but he said he was happy enough pounding my ass. To quote him correctly. We kept going for another hour still kissing and got to the airport all hot and sticky from our little, kinda short-ish session.
I fell asleep on the plane but woke up just as we landed to Nathan smiling at me and rolling my curls in between my hair. I love that boy with all my heart. We met the other boys at the hotel 5 minutes later. ‘Sorry guys we over slept this morning its not easy getting up at that time in the morning.’ Nathan lied wrapping his arms around my waist. ‘Its fine, your here now, we got you a double room, we thought you’d appreciate being able to be close together tonight. We meet here in an hour to go to rehearsal and a signing. Don’t be late if you two are planning sex now.’ Max said winking at us and handing us the room key. Me and Nathan laughed it off and walked over to the lifts hand in hand. ‘Their so cute together.’ I heard Siva say. I turned back and smiled to him.
‘Right shower time next, me thinks Jay.’ Nathan smirked…
We got up to our hotel room and Jay dumped the bags on the floor and picked me up to spin me round. ‘I love you Mr Sykes.’ He said throwing me onto the bed and straddling over the top of me. ‘Jay we haven’t got time can we just make out till we have to leave?’ I said. Jay nodded and slipped his hands around my back scooping me into his arms. His lips roughly traced the outline of mine and he messily ran his fingers through my hair. I moaned and pulled his arms tighter around me. I kissed him and felt the tingle of our stubble rubbing together. Jay giggled into the kiss but carried on kissing roughly but passionately. ‘Jay aren’t you getting a little bit bored of playing it safe all the time? We always keep it in the bedroom and we’ve never done anything that risked us getting caught.’ I sighed as Jay continued to nibble on my neck. ‘Well then we’ll go to this sound check or signing or whatever it is and find somewhere to be a bit more risky.’ Jay giggled taking my hand and dragging me out of the room.
~At the rehearsal~
‘Max mate I feel a bit sick can I just head off to the bathroom for a bit I don’t wanna puke on stage.’ Jay lied. Max nodded and let Jay walk off. ‘I’m going with him I need to make sure he’s okay.’ I said running off after him. ‘Leave them Tom its what they want.’ I heard Siva say.
‘Fuu…uuuuck.’ I mumbled trying to stay quiet as Jay was sat on the floor between my legs sucking all the way along my cock. He took my balls in his mouth and licked moaning deep as he sucked. We’d left the bathroom door unlocked, I realised as I thrusted hard into him and we crashed out of the toilet onto the floor backstage. The boys turned around to look and Jay just moved onto all fours and told me to get moving. Ignoring the fact that pretty much everyone was looking we continued screaming and moaning each others names. Till I filled Jay with a hot flood of cum and he rolled over kissing me and playing.
Everything came flooding back of how it all started on that drunken night to blurry hospital moments, romantic evenings together. The urge was too much and lying there naked with everyone else to see and hear.
I screamed…’Jay McGuiness…Marry me?’
The whole area backstage was silent. Waiting for me to give Nathan an answer. I didn’t have an answer, didn’t know if I’d ever have an answer. I pulled my boxers and chinos up and ran. Not knowing where to run but knowing I needed to run, before everyone saw me cry I couldn’t have that.
I took Jay not answering as a no and uncomfortably redressed myself and walked over to the rest of the lads. They give me a look as if to say ‘sorry mate.’ We sat there for hours singing acoustically and all I could think of was the look on Jay’s face when I asked. Okay so maybe it wasn’t romantic and all that crap but I was being spontaneous and I thought he would have liked that. I mean if two guys are engaged do they both wear rings? Or does the one who was proposed to? Either way I’d never know because Jay had clearly made up his mind about the whole bloody thing. We got to the signing still no sign of him plus he wouldn’t answer his phone. We made up some shit excuse about food poisoning and said nothing more of it.
Did I wanna be Mr Sykes or call Nathan Mr McGuiness? It was all way too weird. I sat there on the hotel bed crying and wondering what the hell to do. I felt bad for letting the fans down and not being at the signing but I just wanted to be alone to think about everything.
Nathan got back hours later, clearly annoyed and upset. ‘Cheers for not even replying. Am I that much of a shit boyfriend that I don’t deserve an explanation. You just get up and fucking leave. Just fucking find someone else to bang if you don’t want to be with me.’ Nath yelled.
‘Calm the fucking hell down. I couldn’t say anything because I was in shock. It wouldn’t be marriage Nath it’d be civil partnership because we’re gay. Doesn’t it all seem too rushed for you?’ I shouted back.
‘Fine fucking leave it we won’t get married, in fact, stuff being with you any more you inconsiderate dick head.’ Nathan cried walking out.
Giving up now it just seemed like the easiest option…
‘I need you to lie, to lie to me.’ I watched Nathan as he sung this line, directing it to me, pointing at me. Max turned to him shook his head and carried on singing. The whole concert had been a bit shaky. Seeing as most of our songs are to do with love, or losing someone you love, it was hard to try and be myself on stage. Instead I stood there clutching the microphone stand, probably looking like a lemon but hey. I just knew walking round with the others I’d either fall over or walk into Nathan. Not something I was looking forward to.
Yeah so I directed the lyrics towards Jay, big bloody deal. I meant them every single word. I’d never sung a song in my life and felt so god damn emotional. I hated him for doing this to me. I knew we’d never be perfect like I wanted us to be but at least I tried, unlike him. We got back to the hotel and I openly asked Siva if I could bunk in with him for tonight till we went home early next morning. I watched as Jay ran a hand through his hair, his muscle flexing in his arm. My heart melting. There was no chance of me forgetting him no matter how many guys or girls I slept with. We were over and I wasn’t ready to deal with that. I pushed past the others taking the key from Siva and climbing into the elevator. Just as the door was about to close a familiar hand slipped between the gap. ‘You mind if I ride with you?’ Jay asked. ‘No.’ I replied bluntly.
‘Nathan, please I’m sorry, we need to talk about this.’ Jay said hitting stop on the elevator, it ground to a halt and we stood there facing one another. ‘I didn’t mean to act the way I did, or shout at you, you know I’d never want to hurt you, don’t know why I’d ever want to. But those things I said now I realise they must have hurt deep. I’m sorry and I didn’t want us to end Nathan, your the most important person in my life, and without you I have nothing. Forget what I said about marriage.’ Jay said looking at me with those deep pool blue eyes of his. ‘Nathan James Sykes, marry me?’ He said getting down to one knee. ‘I don’t have a ring cause I don’t completely understand how this whole things gunna work. But I know I want to do it.’
I crashed on top of Jay, kissing him carefully at first and more quick and messily as his hands ran through my hair. I lowered my hands and began to undo his belt and slip his chino’s off. Leaving him in his boxers I sat naked grinding into his lap. I watched him bite his lip and sigh back onto the floor of the elevator. Elevator, shit, we were about to have sex in an elevator. I got off of Jay and let him pull his boxers down, he lifted one of my legs and wrapped it round him and I jumped up to wrap the other around him. Falling backwards onto the mirrored part we kissed and moaned for ages, until Jay tilted me slightly and inserted himself into me. I moaned deep in my throat and began nibbling on his neck. Each time he got faster, I bit harder, he worked this one out and began to increase speed not caring that I’d began to draw blood. He came, but for the first time since our first time, he didn’t pull away he kept going, arms pulling me closer to him and lips touching mine for seconds and pulling away. If we tried to speak it all just came out in one big panting blur.
Hours later, Jay’s phone rung. ‘Jay..ahh…shouldn’t you…mm…get that?’ I sighed. ‘Ahh..shh..Nathan…it’ll only be the…oohh lads.’ Jay sighed back with one final thrust into me. I ignored the ringing phone and carried on kissing him, conscious of his penis still being inside me and knowing that he could carry on any time soon. And we were stopping an elevator from being used.
‘Jay do you wanna go carry this on in the bedroom?’ I asked, just as Jay fell back onto the elevator button. It started to move and we knew we were still stood there naked. I hit the stop button again but it wouldn’t work. We were both dressed and casually talking as the elevator doors opened. I slid my foot over some cum on the floor. ‘Been stuck in here long boys?’ A pretty looking lady asked. ‘Yeah we were going to our hotel rooms and it just stopped, its been a good couple of hours.’ Jay lied. He was a better liar than me. The lady laughed and began chatting away on her phone. The elevator came to a halt and we got out, pissing ourselves laughing and crashing into our hotel room.
‘Don’t let me go again, McGuiness.’ I sighed curling into his arms…
We were finally home again, me and Jay were lying on the rehearsal room floor as you do. The rest of the boys were being ‘interested’ in what the dancers and management had to say. Some rubbish about tour or promotions or whatever. I didn’t really care, I was gunna marry Jay, the man of my dreams. I was forever living in a daydream and letting the world pass me by. ‘Oii Nathy, I love you.’ Jay whispered in my ear holding my hand. ‘Oii Bird, I love you too.’ I whispered grinning. We got up off the floor after everyone had left to go home. We said we’d stay brush up on some singing or dancing. ‘Wanna practice for our first dance Nath? Jay said giggling. I smiled back at him and said ‘sure why not.’
Jay wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled my body in close to his. He planted a soft but meaningful kiss on my nose and moved my arms to the right place. Our bodies were close but together we half walked half danced our way around the room. I stopped, flicked my fringe out of the way and stood on my tiptoes to place a kiss on Jay’s lips. It started out careful the tips of our tongues just touching sending the familiar tingling sensation all around my body. But as Jay pulled me up it got more rushed and desperate. His soft perfect lips graced mine and pulled away for seconds only to return more passionately. I wrapped my fingers in his curls pulling his head closer to mine making the kisses closer and longer. We stopped, looked at each other, grinned and carried on kissing.
It was so perfect, I could feel Nathan start to go hard against me but I just kept kissing, I wasn’t gunna screw him in public…not again. He pulled away panting and said ‘carry this on at home, please Jay I need to fuck you.’ I nodded and let him down, running from the building all the way home.
We got inside the house kicked our shoes off and carried on kissing whilst undressing each other. Nathan jumped into my arms still messily kissing me. I wondered into the front room, when I heard the sound of someone in the kitchen. I put Nathan down and cautiously walked into the kitchen.
‘Alright Jay we were just making ourselves at home.’ Amy said as a small boy hid behind her…
‘But Amy what you doing here and why’ve you got Sam with you?’ I stammered out. ‘We thought we’d visit daddy.’ Amy replied bluntly. ‘Don’t worry its cool I know about the boyfriend, Sam just missed daddy.’ I sighed I didn’t want any of this, not now. ‘Wha…wha…what’s going on here? Jay who’s she and…and the kid?’ Nathan said panicked. I walked over to him and said ‘Nathan this is Amy we dated a year or two ago, Sam is our baby boy I visit him every so often.’ I said kissing Nathan. He pushed me back and stood crying ‘you’ve lied to me Jay you never told me about them, we’re meant to be engaged so we shouldn’t have secrets. I haven’t even gotta ring i can throw at you dramatically to leave. So just crawl back in bed with her.’ Nathan yelled storming out.
I was fuming completely I couldn’t believe he had never told me about them. I cried and walked into Toms flat and sat down on the sofa.
Almost as soon as Nathan had left had Amy put Sam to sleep and had me inbetween her legs kissing her. ‘Jay…Jay ohh please I’m so wet.’ Amy moaned pulling away from the kiss. Admittedly I was hard as a rock and dying to be in her. I lifted her skirt slightly removed her knickers and began to finger her. We’d been teenage sweethearts and spent many a past times doing this. I dropped my jeans and boxers to the floor, letting out a moan as I felt Amy cum on my fingers. I stroked myself gently then thrust deep and hard inside her I knew she could take it. ‘Harder Jay harder.’ She begged bouncing on the kitchen side. I scooped her into my arms and walked to the front room laying her down on the sofa and continuing harder and faster. It was different to being with Nathan obviously but it felt so good. We came and I pulled out collapsing into her arms. ‘I missed you Jay.’ Amy panted. ‘You too baby.’ I replied kissing her forcefully.
We laid next to each other hands entwined until Sam woke and we both rushed to see him. ‘Dadda, dadda, dadda.’ He screamed as I walked in. I grinned and walked over to him scooping him into my arms. ‘How’s my little baby boy then?’ I asked him kissing his cheek. ‘Play, dadda, we play.’ Sam said ignoring my question obviously. I sat on the floor and Sam toddled over to get his cars, he pushed them into my face and I started to drive them around on the floor with him. Amy stood in the door smiling. ‘Teas ready boys.’ She said. I picked Sam up and walked to Amy and kissed her. ‘Yay, mumma, dadda kiss.’ Sam said bouncing. We laughed and walked to the kitchen together.
I’d forgotten all about Nathan…
I went from club to club getting pissed off my face, trying to find someone decent enough to get off with. Most of the guys were straight or just damn right ugly. In the end I grabbed…someone…I can’t remember her name but she was okay looking, she wasn’t my Jay but nobody ever would be. I worked her hard and fast not really caring how she felt, then wondered back out to the club once I was done. I hated the monster I’d become but it was his fault.
We lay in bed kissing me massaging Amy’s boob, she pulled away from the kiss, smiled at me and carried on kissing. She was so cute, I loved it. Sam was asleep in the room down the hall and we continued kissing, even though we were both naked we felt no desire to have sex. I liked just lying with her kissing and touching her. Girls bodies were so different to boys it just felt good to have a girl in my arms again. Amy bit my bottom lip and pulled away cuddling into my chest. We fell asleep curled into each other.
I decided the morning after the night before that I was gunna pay Jay a visit. I walked into the flat and found him walking around naked making toast…she was still here great. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and began to pump his hard on. ‘Mmm…Amy I said we’d carry this on in a minute.’ He moaned. I let go and shoved his shoulder, he spun round. ‘Oh Nathan, uhh hey.’ He said. ‘You’ve been sleeping with her. Jay you never did love me did you? Why couldn’t you have just told me truthfully? Instead of stringing me along for this long. I hate you, you stupid lying idiot.’ I shouted. I didn’t realise how much of a stroppy, hormonal teenager I sounded till after I walked out.
A few tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t know what to do I loved Nathan…at least I thought I did. And then there was Amy…ah my Amy she was my green eyed, brown haired princess. I’d always loved her, from the moment she stared at me across the room in English I knew it was her I was destined to be with. Normally I didn’t believe in love at first sight. But I guess it wasn’t love to begin with, it was a few sneaky looks, a couple of sneaky kisses or foreplay at house parties. Then when the sex started on her 16th birthday it was Amy my heart belonged to. She fell pregnant with Sam in January two years back, that’s when all the arguments started. She’d ask if she was too fat and I’d tell her she wasn’t and that she was perfect, she’d disagree obviously. The day everything ended was when I came home from promo and found her in bed with some other guy. I kicked them both out there and then, but promised I’d still be there to see Sam born in October. Sam was born October 21st 2010, one of the most happiest days of my life.
After all this I wasn’t sure was my love for Nathan real? Or was it just a bit of fun?
‘NATHAN! NATHAN! NATHAAN!! Answer your bloody phone!’ I screamed into the receiver. He hadn’t been answering for hours, I guess he just didn’t want to talk to me. I hung up the call and rung Max. ‘Max mate have you heard anything from Nathan, I’ve been calling him all morning and he hasn’t been picking up.’ I said my voice starting to pain with worry. ‘Oh Jay, jeez, I thought someone would have phoned you. Mate sit down a minute I’ve got something to tell you.’ Max said. I walked to my bed sat down and crossed my legs. ‘Okay I’m sat, hit me with it.’ I said. ‘Jayne found Nathan this morning. Passed out in his flat, Jay he’s been self harming ever since you guys ended things. Its getting bad now and everyone’s so worried about him. Sorry mate I thought you would have known.’ Max explained. The tears started to fall and my heart started to ache, my precious Nathy cutting himself up, it just wasn’t right.
I pulled my phone back out, hands shaking, ‘ca…can I have a taxi please, yeah its Jay again. Same address, to the hospital please. Thanks see you in ten.’ I said crying even more. I walked outside and climbed into the taxi, still crying and shaking. Jim the taxi driver looked concerned ‘Nathan.’ I mumbled holding his hoody tighter and breathing in his smell. I had to text Amy tell her it was over I couldn’t do it any more, I was getting my Nathy back and nothing was stopping me.
I got to the hospital and was lead to his room by a nurse. I ran to his side and took his hand in mine. I ran my fingers along his arm, tracing the scars, shivering as I found each new one. Nathan’s eyes flickered open and he tightened the grip on my hand. ‘Jay I’m so sorry.’ He said. ‘What have you got to be sorry for? I’m the one who caused this mess.’ I replied crying next to him. He stroked his fingers through my curls, soothing me like a baby.
I looked up at him, grinned and placed a kiss on his lips…
Jay was curled in next to me apologising and crying for what had happened recently. I kept telling him to stop being so silly cause I didn’t care any more I had him back and I was happy. I let him carry on though cause when Jay got soppy, he got soppy and I loved it. We spent hours talking, catching up on things we’d missed, Jay explained everything to me about Amy, and I said I’d be more than happy for little Sam to come over sometime. With that Jay leant on his elbows and stared up at me with his big blue eyes. ‘I love you Jay, don’t do that to me again please.’ I said staring back, feeling the sparks fly. We had chemistry and we both knew it using it to our advantage with the other in bed. ‘I love you more Nathy, I started to doubt things after we’d broken up. Then when Max told me about your arms I was just heart broken, I’d never felt like that before. It opened my eyes completely and I saw what an absolute idiot I’d been. I’m a shit boyfriend I know I am Nath, but I’m grateful you put up with me.’ Jay said rolling onto his back. I edged myself up and managed to sit on his stomach. ‘Don’t…you…dare…say…your…a…shit…boyfriend…again.’ I said stopping after each word to kiss him. A grin lit up on Jays face and his hand wondered up my hospital gown and was placed on my hips. He sat up still holding me tight, pulled his body in close to mine. And said ‘I’m…sorry…Nathan…your…just…so…amazing…and….I…take…you…for…granted.’ Jay clearly copied me. I couldn’t take it any more, I wrapped one arm round his waist and the other in his curls and started kissing him. I began steady and the kiss got hungrier and hungrier. Jays hand was beginning to move towards my crotch, I grabbed it and put it on my face. He was not getting that for a while, payback time.
Jay noticed and instead twirled my fringe between his fingers. As our lips parted, tongues touched, butterflies flew in my stomach, never would I lose the feeling of loving such a beautiful and perfect man.
I’d missed him so badly, stuff absolutely everything that happened with Amy I wanted Nathan no one else. He was gunna play hard to get now, I knew he was, and I deserved it every second of it. But at least I had him back in my arms and that’s all that mattered. We continued kissing until we abruptly stopped when we heard a cough behind us. ‘Mr Sykes can go home now, make sure you keep a good on him.’ The doctor said smiling at us, walking back out. ‘Definitely gay, he so checked you out Jay.’ Nathan said winking. ‘Yeah well I’ve got my man.’ I replied running my hands along his scars and kissing each one of them. Nathan shivered as I moved to each scar, his other hand was clinging on tightly to my other arm. ‘Nathy you okay?’ I asked. ‘Yeah yeah I’m good, they just hurt still.’ He said pulling a sad face.
I pulled him close to my chest and whispered in his ear ‘I’m here any time you need me, any time you feel down, anywhere in the world you are, I’ll travel the whole world just to know your safe. I’m gunna protect you with my life and make sure no one, or anything ever hurts you again. Not even me, I’ll never hurt you again, your too precious to me.’ I kissed his ear and pulled away to look at Nathan’s face, he was crying floods of tears and wrapping his thumb over mine. I moved my hands to the back of his hospital gown and undid it ‘lets get you home big boy, how’d you fancy moving? We’ve had too many bad memories there.’ I said smiling and tilting his head up. He looked me directly in the eyes ‘can you dress me please? I feel too weak. I’d love to move.’ He said still looking sad.
I walked to the other side of the room and found his favourite shirt of mine, the sleeves covered in blood. I looked back down to it and bought it close to me sobbing into it. ‘I’m so sorry Jay, I never wanted any of this to happen.’ Nathan said wrapping his arms around my waist. I took my jacket off and put it on Nathan doing it up, that body was for my eyes only. I already knew he was wearing boxers so I sat him down on the chair and eased him into his skinny jeans.
We left the hospital and climbed into a taxi in silence. I pulled my shirt away from my chest and looked at the blood on the sleeves, the tears building up again.
‘Jay don’t cry. I’m sorry baby.’ Nathan said kissing me, stroking my stubble…
We got home flopped our asses onto the sofa and pulled the laptop out from underneath the cushion. ‘Right James, google, apartments in London to rent.’ I said flicking my fringe away from my eyes. Jay smiled at me and hit enter. A long list of different adverts came up. After hours of trailing through different estate agents we found the perfect apartment and had arranged to see it tomorrow.
Jay made us a brew and we cuddled up on the sofa like an old married couple. He wrapped an arm around me and carried on stroking my scars. ‘Jay would you just flipping stop touching them please? They make me feel sick and I hate them, so you touching them makes it even worse. Just stop please.’ I cried shoving him off of me. Jay looked hurt and moved to the other side of the sofa. ‘I’m sorry Nathan I just don’t like them on you, so by touching them I just want them to fade away.’ Jay said scrunching himself up. ‘Jay I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to snap I just want to go to sleep.’ I said moving closer to him, he stood up, pulled his jeans up and put his arms out to me. I jumped up into his arms and cuddled my head into his chest. He carried me into the bedroom, stripped me down to my boxers and tucked me into bed. ‘Night Jay I love you loads.’ I said before falling asleep instantly. ‘Night Nathan I love you more.’ I heard Jay say and kiss my head.
I got kinda bored without Nath after a while, we always went up to bed at the same time it was odd not having him next to me. I opened up the laptop and went onto ‘my pictures’ folder. Me and Nathan had ahem…experimented with pictures a while back and I needed something to do now. I smiled opening the picture of him, easing my hand into my boxers and starting to pump. I was desperate I knew Nathan was making me wait so this was my only alternative. I came and sat there relishing in the moment. I was sweaty and tired now. Bed was in order.
I rolled over and smacked Jay in the face. ‘Shit Nathan that hurt.’ He said before pouncing on me. ‘No Jay. You’ve been naughty so you have to face the punishment and wait, which means no wanking over pictures of me either. Yes I heard you.’ I said getting out of bed. We both got dressed in silence, kinda awkward now. Grabbed a quick breakfast and ran out the house to get the taxi to what potentially could have been our new apartment.
We pulled up outside, both of us looked up in awe. ‘Wow.’ Was all we both said…
‘Okay and the door to the left of us is the shower room.’ The estate agent said pushing the door. Me and Nathan walked inside looking to see a huge open shower. ‘More room Jay.’ Nathan said whispering in my ear. I smiled and winked at him. ‘And last but not least the master bedroom, with on suite bathroom.’ We both walked around Nathan gripping my hand tightly and leading me around the room. We went back out the main living room area and stood staring for a while. ‘We’ll take it.’ I said wrapping my arms around Nathan from behind. ‘Perfect.’ The estate agent said shaking both of our hands. We signed all the required documents and were due to move in next week.
We left the apartment on a high. ‘What’d you wanna do now then Nathan?’ I asked. ‘Can we just go home please?’ Nathan replied trying not to cry. I looked down at him worried and smiled. We pulled up outside and instantly Nathan ran from the taxi. I paid the taxi driver and ran in after him.
‘Nathan what’s up babe?’ I asked rushing to his side. ‘Everything Jay. I’m useless, I starved myself to make myself good enough for you when I know I never will be. I cut myself because you left me. And still I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you Jay. Your perfect and handsome and not a day goes by when I don’t have these feelings of pure hatred towards myself. Cause I’m ugly, useless and fat. Your like a god Jay, if I could I’d worship you, you mean that much to me.’ Nathan said scrunching himself into a tight ball. I walked over to my bed side cupboard and pulled the box out getting down onto my knee. ‘Nathan James Sykes, marry me? I have a ring this time so it’ll be proper and I won’t leave you again. Your right your not good enough for me, your too good for me. Your not fat, ugly or useless. You sing like no one else in this whole world. Each time I look at you I double take or pinch myself to wonder why someone like you would love me. We all feel like that from time to time Nathy, but I promise I’m always here for you. Our new apartment is our fresh start.’ I said smiling and tearing up.
He’d just been so sweet the perfect boyfriend. I gazed down at the ring through my tears it was simple but sweet. ‘Yes Jay, yes I will.’ I said through choked tears. He grinned and slipped the ring onto my finger. I pulled him into my arms and began messily kissing him running my hands through his hair. ‘I’ll get you a ring next time we’re in town Jay.’ I said pulling away for a second. Jay nodded and tugged at my trackies. I smiled and winked at him taking his off and groping his crotch through his boxers. Jay wrapped his hands around my waist and took my trackies and boxers off, smirking at me.
‘Jay harder…faster..please.’ I screamed. He’d flipped me onto my back so he could gaze into my eyes and watch my expression change. He was pounding hard and moaning into each thrust, he came and pulled out flopping back onto the pillows. ‘Wow…we are not done there yet mister. This is make up sex we go for as long as we both can.’ I said kissing the tip of his dick and easing myself into him. He sighed and gripped the bed sheet between his fingers closing his eyes to stop from cumming again, he was weak after sex, only managing to last 5 or 10 minutes till he came again. This time it was 2 I laughed and kissed his nose. Starting to move myself in and out faster along the whole length, Jay’s body shook again and he pulled me down to kiss him. ‘I love you Naff.’ Jay panted. I kissed him back walking my fingers along his chest drawing hearts. Then sat back up and eased myself out. ‘Think we’ve made up now Jay.’ I said curling up in his arms.
~1 week later~
‘Your apartment is fucking insane.’ Tom said crashing down onto the sofa. ‘We know.’ I said smiling at Jay. ‘Guys we’re getting married. After calling it off last time its something we really wanna do. Its proper official this time, see we have rings this time.’ Me and Jay thrust our hands towards the lads. ‘Wow…we didn’t expect this…we thought you were gunna just carry on as a couple. Congrats guys.’ Max said slapping us both on the back. Tom and Siva took it in turns to congratulate us. It was perfect I was so happy. We made our way over to the piano in the corner and began singing, Jay sat on the stool next to me smiling each time I played a different note or turned to face him and sing.
Life didn’t feel like it could get any better…
‘Faster Jay…fucking faster.’ I screamed almost ready to cum. He moved faster in and out along the whole length of his cock, biting his lip and grinning at me. My body shook, I threw my head back onto the pillow, gripped the sheet and came, splatting it all over my chest. Jay laughed at me and pulled away crossing his legs over his chest at the other end of the bed. ‘I like this new bed Nathy, its got more spring in it.’ Jay said crawling to me and resting his head on my soaked chest. ‘I can hear your heart beating Nathy.’ Jay grinned licking my chest. ‘Its only beating for you Jay, without you it’d stop.’ I said running a hand through his sweaty curls. We lay in the same position for hours just talking and occasionally kissing but not as often as usual.
‘Shower time me thinks.’ Jay said sitting up and pointing to the cum on his arm. ‘Me thinks so too.’ I said kissing him and smiling. I don’t think our kisses ever stopped being hungry for each other. Even though we’d been going since 8 this morning we were still ready for plenty more. We hadn’t tested the new shower out together yet so this’d be something exciting for today. I felt the butterflies go in my stomach as Jays hand pinched at my ass. We pushed the shower room door open and locked it behind us, Jay switched it on and pulled me close to him, cocks touching as we kissed. The water fell around us as the kiss got more heated grinding into one another, smirking when the other moaned into the kiss. I loved loving Jay. I moved my hand from his waist to his throbbing cock and began to pump starting slowly at first and deciding deep throating would be better for both of us.
Nathan slowly got down to his knees and took me into his mouth, I shoved his head all the way to the end and he gagged but carried on. He licked as he moved up and down my cock, sucking gently on my balls, then nibbling on the tip. ‘Come back up Nathan.’ I said panting. Me gave one final long suck and wrapped his arms back around my waist. ‘You called Mr McGuiness?’ He said smiling. ‘Yeah we’ve got a photo shoot in an hour Nathy.’ I said pushing his fringe back. Nathan pulled a face, unhooked his arms and ran into the shower door. I must say I actually laughed so hard my lungs hurt, then after a while I started to care about Nath. ‘Babe you alright?’ I said bending over him. He nodded and held his hand out for me to drag him up.
We got dressed and left our hair wet knowing there would be stylists at the photo shoot. When all five of us were there we embraced in a big group hug it was typical for us before a gig or photo shoot. All of us, well actually except Siva hated having our photos taken it was such a drag. We all finished in hair and make up and stood in our usual ‘nice straight row’ Nathan wrapped an arm around my back and pinched my ass making me grin like a crazy man. ‘Can we do some photos of just Jay and Nathan? If that’s okay boys its just we want to talk about them coming out.’ The photographer said smiling at us. The rest of the boys nodded and walked off set, relieved to be set free. ‘Okay so Nathan if you can just place your right hand on Jays cheek and Jay your left hand on his waist, perfect, lovely thanks boys. Right now make it feel as natural and as comfortable as possible, but I need you to kiss. Smile while you kiss though it’ll give us more to go on.’ She said babbling on.
I wrapped my arm around Nathan and pulled him in tight, tilted his head back smiled and leant in to kiss him. We both grinned like idiots and wrapped our hands in each others hair like we always did. ‘Okay perfect boys that’s a wrap. Now for the interviews.’ The photographer smiled.
The interview went on for at least an hour and when we got home we collapsed into bed, yawning into one another. ‘Night Naff.’ I said. ‘Na’night Jaaay.’ Nathan said hugging me into him…
‘What the fuck is this?’ Max said throwing a pile of papers and magazines towards me and Nathan. We looked at them, headlines and pictures all about us. ‘I’m a beast in the bedroom, I dominate Jay-Says Nathan Sykes on his sex life with boyfriend Jay McGuiness.’ We opened that one to the pages, pages? About us, some random made up interview was before us. ‘We didn’t say any of this.’ I said tearing up. Nathan picked up a paper. ‘McGuiness and Sykes announce Civil Partnership.’ The picture of us kissing at the interview was sprawled all over the paper. ‘Was it not bad enough admitting it to the fans? But now you have to go global and announce your getting married in papers and magazines.’ Tom snapped. Nathan ripped the paper to shreds in his hands. ‘Did you not fucking listen to Jay, Tom? We didn’t say any of this, we told the reporter that we were happy nothing else. We didn’t even wear our rings to the interview, because we care how the public views the band now. Stop ripping it out of us because we didn’t do anything.’ Nathan shouted. I cuddled down into his chest not wanting to hear the rest of the argument.
I’d had enough it was all so pathetic now, why couldn’t everyone just leave me and Nathan be. It wasn’t fair on either of us. Nathan ran his fingers through my hair as I continued to sob into his chest. Just begging that this was all a dream and hoping to wake up any time soon.
These things always affected Jay more than me, I guess I was more emotionally stronger than him. ‘Come on Jay babe lets get you home.’ I said dragging him up. We climbed into the taxi and I gripped Jays hand noting the puffiness of his eyes. We got back to the flat and Jay curled up on the bed continuing to cry.
Nathan, I’ve just read the reports. I know you and Bird wouldn’t have said that. I’ve booked you tickets to Greece, there’s a hotel booked too. Let all this blow over and go get some sun, Jay looks like he could do with it. Pack the factor 50 though if your planning sex on the beach (; Love always Jayne xx
We didn’t say any of it Jayne it was all made up. Thankyou so much we can’t thank you enough for this. Jay is looking a bit pale lately. Maybe not in the public eye Jayne, shouldn’t even suggest that (; but I packed the factor 50 first. Love yaaa xx
I’ve emailed the details, have an amazing time. See you when your back xxx
‘Jaaaayy. We’re going to Greece, come on the plane leaves in an hour.’ I screamed jumping on the bed. Jay shot up, kissed my lips softly and started packing. I couldn’t wait to get away from the mess of the last few months. Greece would be perfect to just be ourselves.
We got to the airport, no mad rush of fans which was a huge relief. I didn’t want to have to explain everything to them or watch my Jay cry in front of them. Once we were on the airplane we cuddled into one another drowsing in and out of sleep.
The plane landed and we both stretched out getting ready to get off. We found a cab and gave the driver the address of our hotel. Half an hour later we pulled up and were greeted by a sea side hotel with stunning views.
‘I like it here, Jay, I like it a lot.’ I said slipping my hand around his waist…
‘Do you wanna go down to the beach Jay?’ I said tracing the outline of his tattoo on his arm. ‘Go for it babe.’ Jay said gripping my hand tight and pulling me out of bed. We both pulled hoodies on over our heads and walked down towards the beach, arms wrapped round each other. We kicked our shoes off and ran into the sea, waves slowly rippling around our legs as we stared longingly into one another’s eyes. I was glad it was night time and it was only me and Jay around. I took Jays hand and pulled him to sit down with me…
‘Jay the best day of my life was when we became official. Because then I knew you loved me too. That things weren’t just a waste of time, that the most handsome guy in the world loved me just as much as I loved him. Maybe not quite as much cause my love for you is infinite Jay, I’ll never stop loving you, not ever. Your everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. I want to grow old with you Jay, have our wedding and remember that day as the happiest day of my life. I don’t want to waste precious time I have with you. Don’t leave me Jay please don’t ever leave me, I don’t want to cut, or hurt myself again. Your worth it, your worth the pain, but I can’t bear to be without you. Your my everything Jay and without you I have nothing.’ I said, crying and staring into Jays big tear filled eyes.
I’d never heard Nathan be so sweet it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was blown away after everything he’d said. I took his hands in mine letting the tears fall for a while. Then worked up the courage to say something back…
‘Nathan, your my life, my soul, the only reason my heart beats. Without you I’d be lifeless, bored all the time, sulky Jay like you used to know. The night everything started off I was begging for something to happen. I had been for months to be honest. You were just baby Nath to begin with, then when things changed and gigs got more serious, I literally had goose bumps every time you sang. When you hugged me after Wembley I didn’t want you to let go. See the thing is Nathan, I’ve loved you from the start of the band and I don’t think I’m ever gunna stop loving you. I’ve been an idiot lately and left you because I thought it was the best thing for everyone. It wasn’t. I spent many sleepless nights, thinking of you wondering what you were doing. Little did I know you were cutting your perfect body to shreds. I can’t say any more except I love you Nathan James Sykes and always will.’ I said beginning to shake from crying so much.
We wrapped our arms around each other and held on tightly. Nathan moved his head to the side and kissed me, biting my lip, asking for permission to travel deeper into my mouth. I bit his lip back allowing him, it’d always been the same we’d always done this. The memories I had with Nathan were worth a thousand of any other memories. We kissed passionately, still crying because that’s what we were right then…emotional wrecks. We loved each other so much and cared like we’d never cared for anything else.
Nathan was my life and I was never giving him up…
Me and Nathan were walking along the road to the local restaurant. Nathan wanted to try some local food instead of what we were being fed in the hotel. We were holding hands and chatting, when Nathan stopped dead in his tracks and a look of fear and worry swept across his face. He went pale, almost as pale as me. ‘Nathan babe, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.’ I said giving his hand a squeeze. He looked up at me tear filled eyes and said. ‘Jay…its…its him. The guy who picked on me at school. He’s here with his wife and kid. He’s looking right at us Jay. Oh god make him stop he’s coming over here. Jay don’t let him hurt me please.’ Nathan wrapped his arms around me and his whole body began to shake.
‘Hey are you Nathan Sykes? Its Scott Barrett. From school, we used to play football together, remember?’ He said nudging Nathan’s arm. My blood boiled and I got so angry with him. ‘Don’t fucking touch him. You probably beat him up in the changing rooms or something because he was different to you. Don’t start acting like you actually used to care about him. Just fuck off and leave us to our holiday, we came to get away from annoying little fucks like you.’ I shouted. ‘Jay leave it.’ Nathan mumbled in my arms pulling me tighter to him.
‘Excuse me but who do you actually think you are talking to me like that? Yeah I picked on him. Big deal? He stood out like a runty little weed in the football team, the rest of us all thought the same, he deserved everything he got. The little gay, doing music and drama.’ Scott snapped back. I tightened a fist, don’t do it Jay its what he wants. ‘I’m his fiancée. We’re getting married soon. So what if he’s gay? Yeah you’ve got a wife and a kid. But I bet you don’t tour the world with your fiancée and your best friends, doing what you love the most. I bet you don’t have a million adoring fans who would do absolutely everything to see you smile. So yeah Nathan was different and he did music and drama, but now he’s successful and what do you have? The claim to fame that you bullied him and your proud of it? Your pathetic. Now leave us alone.’ I said trying to keep my cool.
I tucked a finger under Nathan’s chin and lifted his head so I could kiss him. Scott just huffed and walked away. Nathan stood on his tip toes I wiped the tears away and kissed him again. ‘Thank you so much Jay. I love you so much for that. Can we just go back to the hotel and snuggle and order room service?’ Nathan said smiling at me. I took his hand and walked back towards the hotel with him.
Jay was my hero, there was no way I’d have been able to say any of that without crying my eyes out. I lent over him in bed and kissed him passionately. ‘We’re not taking it any further tonight McGuiness, we spend too much time having sex.’ I said kissing him again. Jay nodded and wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me close to him. I whipped back instantly. ‘Please Jay never touch my neck. Don’t ask me to explain because I’m not quite ready to. But I will one day I promise you.’ I said tearing up again. Jay looked back at me worried and said ‘babe I’m sorry. I won’t ask until your ready and feel confident enough to tell me.’
I grinned down at him and wrapped a finger in his curl. Then raced from bed when the room service guy banged on the door. We sat chatting and eating, Jay occasionally giving me something vegetarian to try. ‘But Jay you must like meat. You eat me a lot.’ I said winking at him. He laughed and kissed my lips softly.
Greece really was shaping up to be quite perfect…
I stretched and rolled over into the comfort of Jay’s arms. ‘Good morning gorgeous.’ Jay said planting a kiss on my head. I relaxed into his arms and rested my head onto his chest, listening to the gentle thud thud of his heartbeat. ‘Did you sleep well babe?’ I asked smiling. Jay tangled his fingers in my hair and replied. ‘Yeah I dreamt of that really hot guy from that boyband. Oh what’s his name? Nathan…Nathan Sykes. I think that’s his name.’ Jay giggled as I pounced on him. ‘Think your funny McGuiness do you?’ I said, starting to tickle him. ‘No Nathan no please stop…ahh…fuck Nathan stop it.’ Jay said trying to stop himself from laughing. ‘Jeez Jay you make it sound like we’re having sex.’ I said kissing his neck. ‘Mm…well why aren’t we? We’ve got nothing to do today really.’ Jay smiled and winked at me pulling the duvet off and rolling me over so I was underneath. ‘Your irresistible Jay.’ I said giving into his kisses and tugs on my boxers.
Jay was moving slowly down me kissing each part of my body gently, and covering my mouth each time I tried to say something to him. Eventually he reached the crotch and started with a kiss and began to suck me carefully and slowly. ‘I swear down Jay if your on a go slow today I’m gunna flip you on your back and fuck you instead.’ I moaned. ‘Shh Nathan. Have some patience okay, I’m getting there you just have to wait.’ Jay said between sucks. He bit gently and I moaned deep in my throat. This was all so worth the wait. Jay flicked his curls back and sat up before easing himself into me. I sat up and he pulled me into his arms.
Nathan was biting his lip as our bodies crashed together getting sweatier and sweatier. He wrapped his arms around my neck and dragged me back down to lie on top of him. He came and sighed as I thrust deep and hard for the final time and flopped onto his chest.
‘Jay. D…did you want to know about my neck?’ Nathan asked as I curled into him. I looked up and saw the pain in his eyes. ‘Tell me all about it baby and I’ll make sure you forget it.’ I said kissing his cheek. Nathan took a deep breath and began to talk. ‘Okay so I know a lot with me has been depressing lately and I’m sorry for you to have to hear this after everything recently. When we were playing football one day I got in Scott’s way apparently and he got really stressy with me in the changing rooms. He pinned me against the wall Jay and grabbed around my neck and told me if I got in his way again he’d finish me off. I purposely injured myself so I couldn’t play football I was fed up of being tangled up in all that. It was horrible Jay and seeing him yesterday bought back everything he’d done. That’s why I freaked out when you touched my neck. So sorry you have to hear about all this Jay because I know it upsets you.’ He hadn’t shed a tear and I was proud of him for that.
‘Oh Nathy. They were jealous because your so handsome and they aren’t. Come here come snuggle into my arms and you can cry if you want to, but I’m proud you’ve been so strong. I know its hard for you to talk about that but I’m glad you have because it just brings us closer together babe. Yeah it upsets me because your my Nathan and I care so much for you, I hate hearing that anyone hurt this perfect body of yours.’ I said pulling him into my chest.
We lay for hours just like that, Nathan sobbing into my arms and me stroking his hair and telling him it’d be okay. I was glad I’d never had to suffer through as much as Nathan had, but sad because it still really affected him.
I hated my Nathy being sad…
I ran my hand along Jays leg watching him tense and shudder. He was writing the mailer and I’d been trying for ages to distract him. He looked down at me and bit his lip but only placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I will get you McGuiness, I’m gunna distract you, I thought, plotting to myself. I took my hat off and threw it to the other side of the room, whipped my hoodie and t-shirt off then threw them to the other side of the room also. Jay’s eyes widened as I edged my chino’s off and sat back next to him in my boxers, with an obvious erection. ‘Leave the mailer. You know you want to.’ I said whispering in his ear, beginning to kiss down his neck. ‘Mmm. Nathan.’ Jay moaned wrapping his arms around me. ‘Mmm. Jay.’ I mimicked. We both laughed and crashed backwards onto the bed, Jays laptop falling to the floor. I moved so I was positioned over the top of him and began to kiss him. Jay ran his hand through my fringe and moaned deep into the kiss, pulling me closer into his chest. My boxers rubbed against his chino’s, I could feel his erection through them. I started to move slowly with the kiss, rubbing together more as we both moaned. ‘Nathan, please…just get on with it already.’ Jay moaned biting my lip and dancing his fingers along my waist.
I took my soaked boxers off and slowly undid Jay’s zip, watching him staring right back at me. I eased him out of his boxers and chino’s and began to pump him. I reached for the lube which was in the top drawer and began to get Jay ready to take me. He moaned as I removed my fingers and inserted my cock. He gripped the duvet tight between his hands as I thrust hard, my balls slapping against his ass. We were moaning in unison and Jay had his eyes closed tossing himself off as I sped faster and faster. I stopped and knelt on the bed between Jay’s legs and began to speed up again as he threw his legs over my shoulders, smirking at me.
It was perfect. Okay so at first I was mainly focused on doing the mailer and editing some old flip footage. But I could see Nathan was getting bored and giving into him seemed best and was such a good idea. The vein in Nathan’s neck popped and he screamed and came, flopping down into my arms. ‘Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes baby?’ I panted kissing his head. He giggled and un-tensed against my chest. ‘I love you Jay.’ Nathan said kissing my nipple and sucking gently. ‘I love you too, but leave my nipples alone.’ I laughed ruffling his hair. He looked up at me and smiled. ‘Maybe if you didn’t ruffle my hair I’d leave them be.’ He giggled like a child as I started to tickle him. ‘Stoooop ittt.’ Nathan screamed fidgeting in my arms. I relaxed from the tickling and pulled Nathan to my lips. He sat on my stomach and kissed back, edging his tongue in and out of my mouth, smiling into the kiss. Each kiss was so familiar but so different each time, there was something new about each kiss. I had something special with Nathan I know I did. Every time we made love it was different, there was always something that had changed in it, nothing ever bad just beautiful and romantic.
We got changed and Nathan wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close for a cuddle. ‘Nathy I need to finish the mailer and flip babe. The fans will moan if they don’t get it.’ I sighed brushing his fringe back. Nathan wrapped his arms around me tighter. ‘No Jay. Can’t we just stay like this for a little while longer?’ Nathan moaned. I had to resist fans were a priority ‘come on babe. We can watch old footage and laugh at the little things no one else noticed between us.’ I said loosening my arms. Nathan let go and walked over to the bed, picking my laptop up from the floor.
We climbed under the duvet and Nathan curled into my arms as I typed out the last few lines of the mailer. ‘Loads’a love Nathan and Jay. Max and Michelle. Tom and Kelsey. Siva and Nareesha. Your support through everything has been amazing and most of us wouldn’t be where we are today without you mental lot. A million kisses to each of you and a million more to go with them. I’m feeling cheesy. Anyway, we all love you.’ Nathan smiled and kissed my jawline.
I opened the flip footage folder and clicked on a relatively long video. ‘Haaa. Jay oh my jeez. Rewind it a minute. Stop, no stop there. Look at my face, looking at you like that. Can’t believe Jayne caught that on camera. What would I have done if anyone had known then?’ Nathan laughed. I looked down at him smiling and laughing at the stupid things we’d done over the years. ‘I knew Nathan. I knew from that moment on that you fancied me. I just didn’t want to say anything, in case I was wrong and got rejected. I couldn’t face being rejected by you.’ I said looking down at Nathan’s reaction. He paused the video and moved further up in the bed. ‘You should have taken me aside and said something. Maybe then it wouldn’t have taken us so long to get to where we are today. You weren’t wrong. I’ve always fancied you Jay.’ Nathan said crying.
I pulled him close to me and whispered. ‘Its okay we got there eventually, your mine forever.’ We kissed passionately, grinning like idiots…
~4 Months Later~
‘Jay hurry up your getting married today if your not there on time Nathan will think you’ve ditched him.’ Tom yelled up the stairs. I took one last look in the mirror adjusted my tie and did my blazer buttons up. I fluffed my hair and walked out a slight skip in my step. Tom was stood at the bottom step grinning up at me. ‘You guys are gunna be the best married couple ever. I’m so happy for you two.’ Tom said tearing up. I walked to him and gave him a big hug. ‘Thank you, for being a friend.’ I said tearing up as well. Right stop with the tears, I thought to myself. I pulled Max and Tom in for a cuddle and walked out with them closely following.
‘Nath man you look good. Jay’s gunna be made up when he see’s you at the alter.’ Siva said slapping my back. I smiled, I’d never been so nervous in my life, marrying Jay was gunna be the biggest and most life changing thing I’d ever go through. I bit my lip, did my blazer up, adjusted my tie and walked out the door to get it the car.
I sat in the car staring out the window watching the world go by. Reciting my vows and my speech over and over again in my head. I was so nervous I began to shake. ‘Seev. I don’t think I can do it. I’m so scared I’ve never been so scared in my whole life.’ I said as the car pulled up to the venue. Siva turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. ‘Listen Nathan. You and Jay are in love you’ve been planning this for ages. You have to do this, once you have you’ll be so happy. You’ll be with Jay forever. You really are the perfect couple.’ Siva said pulling me into his arms. I wiped the tears away and got out the car, the biggest grin on my face.
I stood at the end of the aisle, hands behind my back, back towards the door, waiting for my Nathan. I heard the music begin to play and turned my head back slightly to see Nathan walking towards me grinning. I smiled at him, turning back around and taking a deep breath. I felt Nathan’s arm brush against mine and him take my hand. The registrar smiled at us and we locked hands tightly and prepared to make our future.
We slipped the rings on and leant into kiss each other. We started gently and moved more passionately, give us a break, jeez we hadn’t seen each other for a week. We pulled away smiled at each other and ran down the aisle. Nathan climbed into the car and I smacked his ass and climbed in after him. I pulled him close to me and started kissing him all over again. ‘Hang on wait. How you feeling Mr Sykes?’ Nathan asked grinning at me. I wrapped my arms around him and screamed. ‘I’ve never been happier, Mr Sykes.’ I said grinning.
~At The Reception~
‘Okay everyone shut up. I want to talk. Well I’m being forced to talk because Siva and Max won’t get off their lazy asses. Jay and Nathan came as a surprise to all of us. We didn’t think they would work, thought it was just a bit of casual gay sex. Oh sorry Nathan, chill mate, drink some champers. Anyway carrying on, they had their ups and downs. But eventually they got here. To the happy couple.’ Tom said raising his glass.
I stood up looked at the smiling faces and began my speech. ‘Thank you Tom. Nathan I’m glad you came, you hit me like the sky fell on me, you got me up from my all time low. I’ll stop now because I see none of you understand my irony. I fell in love with Nathan almost instantly, he was perfect so gentle so kind and so different. Like Tom said we had our ups and downs but we’re here now, happy and ready to see what the future holds for us. I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love you Nathan James Sykes.’ I teared up and sat back down to be greeted by a kiss from Nathan. ‘I love you.’ He mumbled resting his nose against mine.
I stood up, hands shaking. ‘I guess Jay and Tom pretty much covered it all but I wanted to have the last word. I loved your little bit of irony there Jay it was amazing babe. But anyhow, Jay’s perfect I couldn’t image a more perfect human being to be in love with. He’s so selfless, he never puts himself first, he’s forever worrying about everyone else. That’s one of the best things about him, apart from the things our families don’t really need to know about. I need to stop getting side tracked and waffling on, I’m forever doing it. Right so back to Jay. He’s perfect, damn already said that. Jeez I never thought doing something like this would be so hard. I love Jay and I’m gunna love him till the day I die. We’ll be together forever and nothing will tear us apart. He’s perfect for me. He can disagree all he likes but I know he is. Gunna wrap this up now cause I’m repeating myself.’ I said tearing up and laughing in places.
I took Jay’s hand in mine and dragged him to the dance floor with me. This was probably the most awkward thing we’d have to do. Jay put his arm around my waist and the other one around my upper body. He pulled me close into him and I positioned my hands into the right place. We began to move with the music, realising it wasn’t be as awkward as we first imagined. The song finished and Jay kissed me pulling our bodies closer together.
We said our last goodbyes to everyone and jumped into the car waiting for us. Staring at each other for a while as the car sped off towards the airport.
‘You ready to start our future now Nathan?’ Jay asked smiling at me. ‘I’ve always been ready for this with you.’ I said kissing him. We pulled up at the airport and grabbed our bags running for the check in desk.
The rest is history now.
~6 Years Later~
‘Jay hurry up, Sash will be late for school if you don’t hurry.’ I yelled taking our little girls hand in my own. We’d adopted obviously, Sasha had big blue eyes and blonde hair, she was so cute. When we adopted her she was only three months old so it gave her time to adjust and settle in properly with us. Today is her first day at school, she’s so excited, to be honest me and Jay are too. Jay came running down the stairs ‘sorry was looking for Sasha’s teddy.’ He said handing Sasha her favourite teddy. ‘No dadda. I’m a big girl now, I don’t need a teddy.’ Sasha said sticking her tongue out and skipping out the door. We ran after her and each grabbed a hand swinging her as we walked.
We got to the school gate and watched as the parents turned to look at us walking in with Sasha dragging us along. ‘Come on daddy’s hurry, I want make friends. I can’t wait for school.’ She said jumping about. Jay scooped her into his arms and kissed her cheek. ‘Well you best run into class now baby, we’ll see you at lunchtime.’ Jay said as Sasha pulled us into cuddle her. Jay put her back down and she ran off taking Jada’s hand in her own. ‘They grow up too fast.’ Max said waving at Jada as she went into the classroom. We walked out of the playground and said our goodbyes.
I was proud of Sasha, she was so confident going into school. Also I was so happy she already knew Jada so she’d always have a friend close by. Me and Nathan had never been happier, she was a ray of sunshine that brightened any day. Once she’d learnt we could sing, we had to sing her to sleep every night without fail.
We were still together as a band nothing was going to tear our bond apart. It was too strong, we had just released our latest album, I’d lost count of which number it was. We were also due to go on tour again. Which meant little Sasha would have to go to one of her Nanny’s while we toured. She was okay with it as long as we rang her before she slept. She was pretty demanding for a four year old but we made sure she was never spoilt.
Life really was perfect.